Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman
Season 1, Episode 20 (27 Mar. 1994): “Fly Hard”
by Thania St. John, Philip Sgriccia

Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman - Season 1, Episode 20

Title: “Fly Hard”

Medium: television series episode

Original airdate: 27 Mar. 1994

Publisher:
Written by: Thania St. John
Directed by: Philip Sgriccia

8 characters in this story:

Character (Click links for info about character and his/her religious practice, affiliation, etc.)	Religious Affiliation	Team(s) [Notes]	Pub.	# app.
Superman (Clark Kent)	Methodist / Kryptonian religion	Kryptonians; Super Friends...  The Justice League		13,409
Lois Lane	Catholic	Raleigh College [Superman's girlfriend, then wife]		3,859
Jimmy Olsen	Lutheran	The Legion of Super-Heroes [Superman's pal]		1,896
Perry White	Baptist; Elvis worship (ordained)	[Superman's (Clark Kent's) boss; Daily Planet editor]		1,574
Jonathan Kent	Methodist	[Superman's adoptive father]		816
Martha Kent	Methodist	[Superman's adoptive mother]		827
Lex Luthor	Episcopalian (lapsed); Nietzschean atheist	Injustice League; Secret Six...  Secret Society of Super Villains; The Injustice Gang; The Legion of Doom		1,508
Cat Grant	Catholic (lapsed); promiscuous hedonist	[Daily Planet gossip columnist; co-worker of Clark Kent]		140

Timecode: 0 minutes, 11 seconds: Scene: Offices of the Daily Planet, late at night on a Friday night. Jimmy Olsen is helping Perry White do some spring cleaning of his personl things from his office and storage rooms. Jimmy seems agitated. He is carrying a large elephant-shaped red, white and blue sign that reads "'76 Republican National Convention: Hospitality Suite." Perry White chases after him.

Perry White: Hey, hey! Where are you going with that?

Jimmy Olsen: What?

[Jimmy stops walking and swings around to face Perry.]

Perry White: This! This marked the way to the hospitality suite. '76 Republican Convention. Judas Priest, man! Gerald Ford tripped over this. It's history.

Jimmy Olsen: You're right. You're absolutely right. It's history. [Smiling sarcastically, he tosses the Republican sign aside.] Chief, if you want me to help you spring-clean, you've gotta be willing to part with some of this stuff.

Perry White: Hey, let me tell you--

Jimmy Olsen: Chief! It's junk!

Perry White: But it's my junk, okay?

Jimmy Olsen: Yeah, yeah, okay. This isn't exactly the best way to spend a Saturday night, so why don't you just--

Perry White: Oh, all right. All right, look. Let's keep going, okay? All right. But I got to warn you, you touch that Elvis box . . . and you're a dead man.

[Cut to elevator door. The elevator chime is heard. Elevator opens. Lex Luthor and Lois Lane, elegantly dressed for a night out, step out of the elevator. They are on a date together.]

Lex Luthor: I have exactly 30 minutes before the opera.

Lois Lane: Well, how was I supposed to know my source was going to be arrested. I just have to rewrite my lead-in. I don't know.

[Lex Luthor notices that, despite the fact that it is late at night, Clark Kent is sitting at his desk working on something. Clark's young friend Jack (introduced in episode 17, "Foundling") is sitting nearby. They have been quietly watching while Perry White and Jimmy Olsen argue. Lex Luthor speaks to them in a good-natured way, sounding very much like a regular person, and not at all like a megalomaniac villain. Lois Lane and Lex Luthor seem very comfortable with each other, very much like a regular dating couple.]

Lex Luthor: Don't you guys have homes?

Clark Kent: Good evening, Lois. Lex.

Lex Luthor: Clark.

[The words exchanged between Clark Kent and Lex Luthor are polite, if perhaps a bit chilly. Lex Luthor genuinely does not know that Clark Kent is Superman, and although Clark knows that Lex Luthor is evil, he knows he can't prove it and he does nothing to indicate his strong feelings against the billionaire.]

Lois Lane: [To Clark] What are you doing here?

Clark Kent: Taxes.

Jack: [Slightly agitated.] Supposed to be a movie.

Clark Kent: [To Jack] We'll still make the late show, all right? [To Lois] Lois, you're, uh, kind of dressed up for an evening at the office, aren't you?

Lex Luthor: Well, we were supposed to go to Madame Butterfly.

Lois Lane: [To Lex] Ten minutes. I'll be ten minutes.

[Perry White emerges from his office enthusiastically wearing a ridiculous plastic baseball cap with two beer can holders attached to either side. A large "XX" is printed on the cap, signifying "20." Perry White holds his hands up as if he were at a sporting event.]

Perry White: Super Bowl Twenty! All right! The Pats [i.e., New England Patriots] and the Bears! Oh, boy, what a blowout!

Lex Luthor: Well, it's a party. Good evening, Perry.

Perry White: Oh, uh, Lex, uh, Lois, uh. [Takes off his ridiculous cap, slightly embarrassed at the fact that the city's most important citizen saw him wearing such a thing.] Good evening. We, uh, just doing a little cleaning here.

[Perry tosses the cap to Jimmy Olsen. Jack approaches and takes the cap from Jimmy's hand to check it out.]

Jack: Whoa. It's cool. Hey, anybody want a pizza?

Jimmy Olsen: there you go. Fresh tomatoes, mushrooms, onions, and olives.

Jack: Ay. Goes on a salad, doesn't go on a pizza.

[Jack sits on a desk and picks up a phone, dialing so he can order a pizza. Perry White emerges once again from his office, this time carrying a life-size Elvira cutout.]

Perry White: Elvira, Mistress of the Dark.

Jimmy Olsen: I don't know, Chief. She looks pretty scarry to me.

Perry White: Scary? Jimmy, she's the reason why I've seen Godzilla a hundred and fifteen times. She is definitely a keeper.

[Jimmy Olsen groans slightly and continues moving a potted plant he had been carrying. He hears a noise coming from an entrance. He looks and sees a tall man carrying Cat Grant. The man is kissing her while Cat giggles and makes sensual moaning sounds. Clearly this is not appropriate behavior for an office, but it is after hours and Cat and her male companion friend are so caught up in the throes of their passion that they are unaware that anybody else is present. It is clear that Cat intends to engage in random, promiscuous intimate activity right here in the office. Hearing the noise that Cat and her companion are making, Clark Kent, Lois Lane and Lex Luthor all look up from what they are doing and stare at Cat. Suddenly Cat sees that her co-workers are present. There is briefly a look of shock on her face. She pushes her way out of her companions arms so that he puts her down. She stands up on her own feet and addesses her co-workers.]

Cat Grant: Hi, everybody . . . [Giggles uncomfortably] This is, uh . . .

George (Cat's male companion): George.

[Cat clearly is not very familiar with this man. As she struggles to recall even his first name it is obvious that she just barely met him and she was about to engage in a one of her typically very random, very meaningless encounters.]

Cat Grant: This is George.

[Lois Lane looks annoyed and very unimpressed. She asks a perfunctory question that she pretty much already knows the answer to.]

Lois Lane: What are you doing here?

Cat Grant: Well, I was gonna show George how we [heh heh] put a newspaper to bed, but . . . it's a little crowded.

"Put a newspaper to bed" is a term in journalism and newspaper production that refers to finishing an edition and sending it to the printers. Cat clearly means something else by this, as everybody present is aware.

[George continues pawing at Cat and kissing her. Cat sounds like she is in heat.]

Cat Grant: George. The observation deck at Metropolis Tower is still open. Let's go.

[Cat Grant and George walk out of the room, moaning and kissing each other as they go.]

Jimmy Olsen: You know, I could have lived without hearing that, thank you.

[Willie, a very elderly security guard who walks haltingly, his keys jangling at his side, emerges from the opening elevator.]

Willie: What is going on here?

Clark Kent: Uh, don't worry, Willie. It's just us.

Willie: But you're not supposed to be here now.

Perry White: Ah, don't worry, Willie. Everything's fine. You just keep up the good work.

Willie: Yes, sir, Mr. White.

[Willie nods, gets back on the elevator and exits. Jack is one the phone when we hear the line go dead.]

Jack: Hello. Anybody there? All right, who cut me off?

[We hear a computer beeping as if an error occurred.]

Lois Lane: System's down. I lost my story.

Lex Luthor: Well, better luck tomorrow. Shall we go? If we leave now, we can still make the play.

[The elevator doors open once again. Three men and one woman, all dressed in dark jump suits and carrying automatic weapons, emerge from the elevator. They point their guns in the air and fire many rounds. Then a fifth person, a well-dressed man who is obviously the leader, emerges from the elevator. This man, whose name is later revealed to be "Fuentes", is played by actor Robert Beltran, who may be best known for his role as first officer Chakotay on the 1990s TV series Star Trek: Voyager.]

Perry White: What in the Sam Hill?!

Fuentes: The Daily Planet building is now ours. So I suggest you cooperate and everything will go smoothly. And in case you feel the need to contact the authorities or your friend Superman, you can tell them I'm holding a small but dirty nuclear device. And if I catch so much as a glimpse of a red cape, this building and the gene pool of Metropolis will pay the price. So relax. By tomorrow morning, this will all be over. One way or another.

[Fuentes touches a button on the small device he holds, arming it. Clark and his friends look very worried. Cut to opening credits.]

The title of this episode ("Fly Hard") is obviously borrowed from the title of Die Hard, the popular 1988 action film starring Bruce Willis. In a plot borrowed from Die Hard, a gang of criminals has taken over the building in order to do something nefarious. The criminals have cut off the building from all outside communication and now they take over the floor. They hold Clark Kent, Perry White, Jimmy Olsen, Jack, Lois Lane and Lex Luthor as prisoners while they attempt to locate a long-lost treasure. After hearing some a name (Pino "Pretty Face" Dragonetti) mentioned by one of the criminals, Perry White recounts a story to his friends and co-workers. The episode cuts between the present-day predicament and the story, which is shown in black and white film noir style, with the regular cast of this show playing the parts of characters in the Prohibition-era story from the past. The story reveals how corrupt politicians, police and businessmen with mob ties were involved in a sordid tale that ended up with dead bodies and a fortune hidden within the offices of the Daily Planet building. That fortune, is, of course, what the present-day gang of criminals has come to find.

The Daily Planet employees and Lex Luthor are rounded up into one office. Lois attempts to escape by cajoling Perry White into pretending he is having a heart attack and demanding the criminals call for medical help. Fuentes easily sees through Lois Lane's ploy and tells the Daily Planet employees that he will allow no more attempts like that. Perry White argue with Lois Lane about what she did, warning her not to try something crazy like that again. Lex Luthor disagrees with Perry's criticism of Lois. Timecode: 9 minutes, 18 seconds:

Lex Luthor: No, no, no, it was a good try, but division among the ranks is a sure sign of weakness. So I suggest we just put this little incident behind us, concentrate on trying to learn their next move.

Lex Luthor views the situation as he does many things in life: as a challenge which he approaches as if it were a military campaign. Note how he refers to "division among the ranks," as if the Daily Planet employees were soldiers in an army led by himself as general.

[Cut to Clark Kent, who is standing next to the closed office door, using his super hearing to hear what the criminals are saying in the next room.]

Remy (female criminal): What do you mean? They've seen our faces. We can't just let them go.

Fuentes: You know what our instructions are.

Remy: Yeah, well, I say that we kill them now.

Fuentes: You don't have any say. None of us do until the boss comes.

Jack: Clark. Hey. Kent.

Clark Kent: What? Oh, is everything all right?

Jack: That's just what I was about to ask you. You look kind of out of it.

Clark Kent: I was just thinking.

Jack: You really believe that's a nuclear bomb?

Clark Kent: Well, whatever's in that box, we can't take any chances.

[Clark Kent can't determine just what is in the device/box that Fuentes claims is a nuclear bomb because it has a lead casing. Clark's X-ray vision can not see through lead.]

Clark Kent: We'll be fine.

Jack: Yeah. I hear you can hardly feel a thing at ground zero.

Lois Lane: You don't think they'd really blow themselves up, do you?

Lex Luthor: Terrorists believe that the value of life, even if it's their own, isn't as important as their cause.

Clark Kent: I don't think we need worst-case scenarios right now, Luthor.

Timecode: 15 minutes, 45 seconds: In attempt to escape and get help, Lex Luthor was shot in the shoulder. Now he is tied up to a chair with Lois Lane. When he fails to respond to her conversation, Lois and her co-workers finally realize how badly he is hurt. Clark Kent takes a look at the wound. He realizes that he needs to cauterize the wound with his heat vision, but he doesn't want his co-workers to know that he does this, so he concocts a fictional remedy that he gets the others to help him with. As they are distracted, he uses his heat vision to cauterize Lex Luthor's wound and stop the bleeding.

Clark Kent: The bullet passed through but he's losing a lot of blood.

Perry White: Well, we've gotta get that wound closed.

Lois Lane: How?

Clark Kent: Okay, I'm gonna need three teabags, an orange, a cup, and a pack of gum.

Lois Lane: For what?

Clark Kent: It's just a remedy that I learned from a Borneo medicine man.

Lois Lane: Clark, this is no time for voodoo.

Clark Kent: Lois, we have no choice! Open the teabags and combine the leaves. Chew as many sticks of gum as you can. Squeeze orange juice into the cup.

Lois Lane: This is ridiculous.

Clark Kent: Oils and tannin from the tea leaves, combined with the peppermint from the gum and the ascorbic acid in the orange form a very potent healing mixture. Ther's no time, come on!

[When everybody is busy following Clark's strange and slightly complicated instructions, Clark uses his heat vision to cauterize Lex Luthor's wound. Lex Luthor opens his eyes, regaining lucidity briefly.]

Lex Luthor: Kent.

Clark Kent: You're gonna be fine, just fine. You'll be a little bit dizzy, but you're gonna be okay.

[Clark applies he concoction to Lex Luthor's shoulder and then shows the others the cauterized, sealed wound.]

Perry White: I'll be damned.

Jack: It really works.

Lois Lane looks up at Clark. She knows that Clark doesn't like Lex Luthor very much. But he really pulled through and helped save Lex. Lois is sincerely grateful.

Lois Lane: Clark, thank you.

Fuentes had detailed blue prints for the Daily Planet building. But Clark used his heat vision to trigger the fire-suppressing sprinklers in the ceiling. Water damage ruined the blue prints. Now Fuentes needs to print up a new set. He can't do it without gaining access to a computer system. Lois offers to help him (because she wants to try to find out more about what the criminals want. But when Fuentes asks for Lois Lane's access code, she hesitates.

Fuentes: I spent the last eight months preparing for this night, so if you don't give me the correct access code, I'm gonna--

Lois Lane: Superman . . . "Superman" is my access code.

[Fuentes tries this, and it is indeed Lois Lane's access code (password). This doesn't seem like a particularly secure access code. Could not most people have guessed this if they know much about Lois Lane? The point of this scene is to illustrate the great extent to which Lois Lane thinks about (is obsessed about?) Superman.]

Timecode: 23 minutes, 7 seconds: While helping Fuentes access the computer system so he can print out new blue prints, Lois Lane wonders aloud what the criminals have come for. She is thinking as a reporter, trying to elicit more information from them.

Lois Lane: What could possibly be here in the Daily Planet newsroom that would be worth risking your lives and the live of everyone in Metropolis?

Fuentes: What else has man sought after - without pity or remorse - since the dawn of time?

Lois Lane: Inner peace?

Fuentes: Cold, hard cash.

Lois Lane: Oh.

Fuentes: Now, print me out those plans.

Timecode: 30 minutes, 21 seconds:

Lex Luthor: I know that it's money they want. All I need is five minutes alone with this leader, I'll make a deal.

Lois Lane: I don't think they'll go for it, Lex. They have no reason to trust you. They already have a bird in the hand.

Lex Luthor: It's worth a try. As soon as Kent and the kid get back, I'll begin to negotiate. It's only money.

Lois Lane: It's a lot of money.

Lex Luthor: Yeah. So what's it worth. It can't buy a blue sky. It can't buy a perfect beach. It can't buy brown eyes.

By "brown eyes", Lex is referring to Lois Lane's own eyes. He means that all the money in the world can not buy what he sees in her eyes. This is a very tender moment between Lex Luthor and Lois Lane. She is resting her head on Lex Luthor's lap, very tired because it is now very late in the middle of the night and they have been through a lot. She is impressed by his words, and she looks up into his eyes with deep admiration. She strokes his neck affectionately. Lex smiles. Lois smiles and laughs briefly as an indication of her appreciation for what Lex said.

[The elevator door chimes. Cat enters the office area. She is completely unaware of what is going on here tonight. The criminals are currently in another part of the office area, off to the side, concentrating on looking at maps as they try to find Dragonetti's long lost treasure. Cat sees Perry White and her other co-workers looking at her from the office in which they are held captive. She doesn't realize that they are being held prisoner. Perry and the others try waving to her to get her attention. Cat goes to her desk drawer and pulls out a slinky blue camisole or lingerie. She holds it in front of her and poses. Perry White, Lex Luthor and Lois Lane try motioning to Cat to tell her that they are in distress. Cat just thinks that they are commenting upon her choice of lingerie. She pulls a different item of slinky, skimpy lingerie out of her drawer - this one red and black. Cat's face clearly shows that she intends to don some lingerie as part of her intimate romantic evening with George. Cat misinterprets the hand motions of Lois, Lex and Perry as a sign that they are encouraging her current lingerie choice. Cat makes hand motions that indicate she is about to go and continue her wild time with George. She leaves the office, completely oblivious about what is really happening there. "Sexy" music plays in the underscore. Lois, Lex and Perry were unable to shout to Cat and use words to tell her what was going on because doing so would have attracted the attention of the criminals. After Cat leaves they are exasperated.]

Lois Lane: If I'm still alive on Monday morning, she won't be.

Perry White and the other captive Daily Planet employees watch as the criminals take some fancy tools that they brought with them into Perry White's office. On the wall, we can see Perry White's framed photo of the man he worships: Elvis Presley. On another wall, behind the desk, there is a framed blow-up picture of a 29 cent Elvis Presley stamp issued by the U.S. Postal Service.

Perry White: Oh, no. No. They're not doing what I think they're doing? Not my Elvis box!

Perry White is clearly very dismayed when the criminals appear to be damaging his "Elvis box." None of the other damage they have done up to this point has caused him this level of distress.

Willie, the old security guard, is revealed as the "mastermind" behind the whole criminal operation. He knew about Dragonett's hidden treasure and he arranged for a gang of criminals to steal it. But nobody was supposesd to get hurt. Willie had assumed that the offices would be empty. Fuentes and his gang decide to double-cross Willi, however. After finally finding the $30 million in hidden cash (Dragonetti's long lost treasure), Fuentes tells his criminal cohorts to load the cash up and head out. He has the female criminal (Remy) take Willie's gun away from him. Timecode: 38 minutes, 59 seconds:

Willie: What-- What are you doing? But I'm the one who told you about the vault in the first place.

Fuentes: And I'll always remember you fondly for it. But we've got to make a clean getaway, and you're not exactly at your physical peak.

Remy: Hey, we're in.

Fuentes: Good. Load the bags.

Lois Lane: What about us?

Fuentes: Remy. I've begun to come around to your way of thinking.

By this, Fuentes means that he now agrees that the Daily Planet employees and Lex Luthor should be killed so that they can't identify him (Fuentes) and his criminal gang. Fuentes doesn't spell it out explicitly because their captives are listening, but Remy understands that Fuentes wants her to kill their captives as soon as he leaves the room.

Fuentes: We'll meet you at the chopper. They're all yours. Except her. [Pointing to Lois.] We may need a hostage if anything goes wrong.

Fuentes takes Lois by the arm and begins to walk away. Lex Luthor tries to stop him, but Fuentes strikes him down with the butt of his gun, pounding Luthor's already injured shoulder and causing Lois Lane's would-be rescuer to fall back and writhe in pain.

Lois Lane: [Struggling against Fuentes' grasp] You can't just kill them!

Fuentes: You'd be surprised what you can do for $30 million.

When Remy marches the Daily Planet employees down a staircase on the way to kill them, Clark Kent uses his heat vision to destroy the lightbulb in the stair well, plunging them all into darkness. Clark escapes and uses his powers to attack criminals one by one, rendering them unconscious. Surreptitiously as Clark and then openly as Superman, Clark saves Lois Lane and his other co-workers, as well as Lex Luthor, apprehending the criminals in the process.

After Superman has flown away, Perry White emerges from the entrance to the Daily Planet building, bringing Lex Luthor with him. Paramedics take Lex and have him sit down at an ambulance. Timecode: 42 minutes, 57 seconds:

Perry White: Hey, guys, we've got a wounded man over here.

Lex Luthor: Lois. Are you all right?

Lois Lane: Oh, Lex, I'm fine.

Lex Luthor: Well. That was a date to remember.

Lois Lane chuckles at Lex Luthor's wry joke.

Lex Luthor: We even got to spend the night together.

Lois Lane: Well, yeah.

Lex Luthor: I never knew you were that kind of girl.

Lois Lane: I'm just full of surprises.

Timecode: 44 minutes, 56 seconds: On Monday morning, a large bouquet of red roses is delivered to Lois Lane's desk at work. She looks at the card. It reads: "Love, Lex." Cat Grant enters the office and sees the flowers.

Cat Grant: Oh? Send yourself flowers again, Lois? [Addressing her friends/co-workers, the ones she saw on Friday night at the office.] What a weekend! Now, I know he may not look like it, but underneath that mild-mannered facade, George is a wild man! I spent most of the weekend in handcuffs. So, what did you guys do this weekend?

Cat's final line is intended to be humorous and ironic. Cat's friends literally were handcuffed as prisoners by the criminal gang. Cat probably really wore handcuffs as well, but she did so voluntarily, as part of her "wild" promiscuous sexual romp with George, a weekend which involved BDSM, bondage and doubtless other Cat-favored perversions.

Everybody stares at Cat Grant as if she is a complete idiot. Not only did not never realize that they were in trouble the other night, she has apparently not even heard about their predicament in the time since it ended, despite the fact that the story was doubtless on the news and there is major damage to the offices she walked into.

Looking at the dismayed and even disgusted looks on the faces of her co-workers, Cat's demeanor changes and she decides to drop the subject of what everybody did over the weekend.

Cat Grant: Sorry I asked.

The look on Clark Kent's face as the episode ends suggests he doesn't now what to think about Cat Grant.

A bit of a trivia note: Although Cat Grant remained a significant supporting character in the Superman comics, this was the last-ever episode of Lois & Clark that she appeared on. The network felt that the character was too baudy and risque for the early primetime timeslot in which Lois & Clark was broadcast. The character of Cat Grant, who was rarely used for much more than comic relief, was deemed non-essential to the series and inappropriate for family time viewing.

The process of listing characters who appeared in this source is not yet complete. Webpage for Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman - Season 1, Episode 20 (27 Mar. 1994) created 1 February 2008. Last modified 11 June 2014.

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