Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman
Season 2, Episode 9 (4 Dec. 1994): “Season’s Greedings”
by Dean Cain, Randall Zisk

Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman - Season 2, Episode 9

Title: “Season’s Greedings”

Medium: television series episode

Original airdate: 4 Dec. 1994

Publisher:
Written by: Dean Cain
Directed by: Randall Zisk

7 characters in this story:

Character (Click links for info about character and his/her religious practice, affiliation, etc.)	Religious Affiliation	Team(s) [Notes]	Pub.	# app.
Superman (Clark Kent)	Methodist / Kryptonian religion	Kryptonians; Super Friends...  The Justice League		13,409
Lois Lane	Catholic	Raleigh College [Superman's girlfriend, then wife]		3,859
Jimmy Olsen	Lutheran	The Legion of Super-Heroes [Superman's pal]		1,896
Perry White	Baptist; Elvis worship (ordained)	[Superman's (Clark Kent's) boss; Daily Planet editor]		1,574
Jonathan Kent	Methodist	[Superman's adoptive father]		816
Martha Kent	Methodist	[Superman's adoptive mother]		827
Toyman (Winslow Schott)		Injustice League; Secret Society of Super Villains...  Superman Revenge Squad; The Legion of Doom		110

This episode's title is "Season's Greedings." This is a play on words, derived from "Season's Greetings." The episode was written by Dean Cain, the actor who stars as Clark Kent (Superman). As this episode's title implies, this is a Christmas story, and it is also a story about human greed. In this episode we see a Clark Kent who is very enthusiastic about Christmas, but we see a Lois Lane who is somewhat cynical because she feels that greed and commercialism have tainted the true meaning of the holiday.

Timecode: 0 minutes, 0 seconds: The episode opens focusing on Christmas decorations seen in the balcony windows of a multi-story building. We can see figurines of Santa Claus and Frosty the Snowman. A Christmas tree can be seen through a window. Wreaths adorn another window. Festive Christmas music can be heard in the underscore.

The camera pans down until we see the sign in front of this building: "COATES ORPHANAGE." This sign is decorated with Christmas-themed candy canes and a Christmas wreath. The song that can be heard is a variation on "Jingle Bells." We see a man standing on a ladder hanging the Christmas wreath on the "Coates Orphanage" sign.

The man hanging the Christmas wreath drops it. Clark Kent happened to be walking by. He catches the wreath and hands it back to the man. Lois Lane, wearing a coat and scarf that appear to be Christmas-y in their colors, is walking alongside Clark. Clark Kent stretches his arms out wide in a gesture meant to point to all that is aruond him - all the Christmas decorations and all the Christmas spirit.

Clark Kent: Don't you just love Christmas?

Lois Lane: Yeah, it's okay.

Clark Kent: It's okay? Just okay?

Lois Lane: It's a very nice holiday. Like Fourth of July or Arbor Day.

Clark Kent: Are you comparing Christmas to Arbor Day?

Lois Lane: No. I'm not comparing them. They're both holidays and they're both fine.

Clark Kent: Fine?

Lois Lane: Yeah. They're fine.

Clark Kent: Huh?

[Clark Kent smiles in amusement at Lois Lane's words. Christmas was a huge part of his life while he was growing up, and it is still his favorite holiday. He doesn't quite know what to make of a person who says Christmas is merely "fine."]

[As Lois and Clark walk through downtown Metropolis, we see in the background a two-story high Frosty the Snowman inflatable figure. It holds a huge candy cane. Christmas Tree decorations hang from lamp posts. Festive white wreaths snake around city lamp posts. Some snow and ice still can be seen on the sidewalks, although the wet city streets are mostly clear. Children build a snowman in a city park.]

Lois and Clark walk out of the frame. We see an older black couple sitting on a park bench. This couple is Mr. Schott (a.k.a. "The Toyman") and his assisstant, Miss Duffy. These two characters are played by Sherman Hemsley and Isabel Sanford, who are best known as Mr. and Mrs. Jefferson, the title characters from the long-running TV sitcom The Jeffersons (1975-1985).

Miss Duffy briefly argues with Mr. Schott about whether they should really do what they are planning to do. They look at a group of children building a snowman as they talk. Mr. Schott insists that they go ahead with their plan, that doing so will strip away the facade that people put on. Finally he calls the children over to him. The children are at first wary, asking if he is some kind of weirdo. He assures them that he is not. He opens a Christmas-wrapped box and shows them what is inside: an Atomic Space Rat toy. It is a character that the children recognize, and a toy they have heard of. Mr. Schott has "enhanced" the toy with something unusual, however. He shows them that it sprays a noxious mist. They think this is cool. Mr. Schott hands the toy to the largest of the children, who then proceeds to play by spraying the other kids. Soon the mist has the effect intended by Mr. Schott. The children start being mean to each other, as the restraints against their natural greed diminish. Soon they are acting terribly toward each other. Mr. Schott cheers, proclaiming that now we can see the greed inherent in people's hearts.

Timecode: 2 minutes, 43 seconds: Lois Lane and Clark Kent are still walking in the downtown Metropolis city park, still talking about Christmas.

Clark Kent: See, I think what makes Christmas so special is the whole spirit of--

[Clark Kent stops speaking mid-sentence as his super-hearing hears a disturbance. He hears the children affected by the Atomic Space Rat smell running after each other. Clark looks and sees that larger kids are chasing after a younger girl, trying to take her hat. Clark decides to make up an excuse so he can get away and investigate as Superman.]

Clark Kent: Shopping. I just remembered some last second shopping. Excuse me.

[Clark Kent runs away, leaving Lois Lane alone.]

Lois Lane: The spirit of shopping. That about sums it up, doesn't it?

[Superman floats down from the sky. He sees bigger kids have thrown a bevy of snowballs at the younger girl. He uses his super breath to stop the snowballs in mid-flight, and then uses his super-breath to make the snowballs fly back at the kids who threw them. The snowballs knock their throwers down into the snow. Superman has thus protected the younger girl from the snowball attack. The girl smiles.]

Superman: Merry Christmas.

[After Superman flies away, Mr. Schott and Miss Duffy survey the scene. Mr. Schott is jubilant about the havok his toy has caused, the way it altered the behavior of the children.]

Mr. Schott/Toyman: The rats go on sale first thing tomorrow morning. Every toy store in Metropolis will carry them. Every child will want one. Every one who comes near them will smell them and, oh, Miss Duffy, what a Christmas this will be!

[Mr. Schott laughs an evil laugh. Cut to opening credits.]

Timecode: 4 minutes, 57 seconds:

Clark Kent: Lois, doesn't the time of year and the feeling in the air just make you happy?

Lois Lane: Clark, you do not have to sell me on Christmas. I'm not the Grinch. I like it a lot.

Clark Kent: But you don't love it.

Lois Lane: But I like it, a lot.

Clark Kent: A lot, a lot? Or a lot, a lot?

Lois Lane: Somewhere between a lot and a lot, a lot.

[On the sidewalk Lois and Clark are walking on, there is a man in a Santa Claus costume accepting donations. Clark Kent puts in some money - at least one paper bill and at least one coin. We can see the bill and hear the clank of the coin.]

Santa Claus: Hi. How are you?

Clark Kent: Hi.

Santa Claus: [chuckles] You don't remember me. [Lowers his beard so that Lois and Clark can see his face.] You caught the wreath in front of the orphanage.

Clark Kent: Oh, yeah. You look different.

The man dressed as Santa is the same man that Clark Kent caught a wreath for at the orphanage in the opening scene of this episode. This orphanage worker is played by actor Dick Van Patten, best known for his role as the father on the TV series Eight is Enough.

Clark Kent: How's it going?

Santa Claus/orphanage worker: Well, I wish I could say great, but so far, you're way ahead in the generosity race. It's too bad, too, because these kids really deserve better. I guess people can't even imagine what it's like to be an orphan at Christmas.

["Santa" looks down at the collection pot as he says this. He is implying that the amount of money Clark gave is considerably more than most people have given, and that generally he has not been collecting a lot of money this year. The man's words tug at Lois Lane's heartstrings, and she smiles at what she is about to do. She wants to do the right thing, but doesn't want to drop her facade of cynicism.]

Lois Lane: Boy, this guy's good.

[Lois Lane opens her purse and pulls out some money, which she drops in the collection pot.]

Clark Kent: Lois, why don't you go ahead? I wanna stay and talk to Santa.

Lois Lane: Of course, you do.

[Lois Lane pats Clark Kent on the shoulder and walks away.]

[Cut to the inside of Perry White's office at the Daily Planet. Perry White is talking to his wife on the phone while he turns a Christmas scene snow globe over.]

Perry White: I know, honey, I'm excited too. Our very first Christmas alone together. Now, tomorrow night we're gonna have some nice candlelight, and I'm gonna put on that special red Santa suit and ask you whether you've been naughty or nice.

[Outside in the main area of the Daily Planet offices, Jimmy Olsen stands on a ladder decorating a banner that reads: "DAILY PLANET SECRET SANTA." We can see that there are considerable Christmas decorations throughout the offices.]

Angela: What's a Secret Santa?

Jimmy Olsen: Secret Santa is, uh . . . [Jimmy Olsen gets off the ladder to face the new office girl who is asking him a question. He has never met her before, but he is instantly struck by her beauty.] . . . uh, ah, uh . . . It's, um, where we all put our names in a bowl and we all pick a name out, and whoever's name you get, you get a Christmas present for . . . I'm in charge of it.

Angela: Sounds like fun . . . I'm Angela.

[Still struck by Angela's beauty and inner radiance, Jimmy isn't thinking straight.]

Jimmy Olsen: I'm in charge of it.

Angela: [chuckles lightly] Nice to meet you, Mr. I'm-In-Charge-Of-It.

[Angela walks away. Jimmy looks up in the air and motions to the sky, as if praying, "Why, God, why was I not able to talk to this girl?"]

[Lois Lane enters the office. She walks up to her desk and removes some of the Christmas decorations that are piled up there.]

Lois Lane: [Addressing Jimmy Olsen.] A little heavy on the red and green, don't you think?

Jimmy Olsen: Why, you don't like it?

Lois Lane: Do I have a choice?

Jimmy Olsen: Excuse me?

Lois Lane: Yeah. It's just that it's everywhere. Ribbons and wreaths and mistletoe and trees and Santa and Elves and Frosty the Snowman and Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, pounding you in the face over and over: "You must love Christmas. You must love Christmas. You must love Christmas."

Jimmy Olsen: I guess this means we won't be caroling tonight, huh?

Lois Lane: No, it's-- It's just that, for once, I would like to feel Christmas. You know, discover it. Unwrap it and be surprised by how wonderful it is, instead of having it relentlessly shoved in my face like half-off coupons at a swap meet.

Jimmy Olsen: Heh, I know what you mean. It's like Christmas has become so big, it's like a whale and we're all minnows.

Lois Lane: Well . . . this year I am not going to be a minnow. I am gonna take control and I'm gonna have the Christmas I want.

Jimmy Olsen: Oh, that-- that's excellent.

[Jimmy Olsen pats Lois lightly on the shoulder and walks away. Lois dials the phone on her desk. She dials the number for her father's office.]

Lois Lane: Dr. Sam Lane, please . . . His daughter . . . Lois.

[Cut to outside. On a city bench, Clark Kent sips a drink while sitting next to the orphanage worker/Santa.]

Santa/orphanage worker: I've been to all the big toy stores trying to get donations. I guess they're just too busy.

Clark Kent: What if I could get a friend of mine to ask the stores for toys? He's sort of a celebrity and he's an orphan himself.

Santa/orphanage worker: Oh? Do I know him?

Clark Kent: You might have heard of him. He, uh, spends a lot of time flying in and out of Metropolis.

[Clark Kent is, of course, referring to his alter ego: Superman.]

[Cut back to Lois Lane, speaking on the phone. We see a Christmas card hung up on a pane of glass next to Lois Lane's desk. The card reads: "MERRY CHRISTMAS."]

Lois Lane: No, Lucy, Mom can't make it. I couldn't even get Dad on the phone. They kept me on hold for 20 minutes. What about you? . . . You're in love?! . . . . Christmas in Venice. Wow, that's romantic . . . Oh. Venice, California. So he's either an artist or an actor. Well, good luck. You're gonna need it. Merry Christmas.

[Lois hangs up. Apparently she was trying to put together a family Christmas get-together. She tried to invite her father, her mother, and her sister Lucy. But she has failed on all counts.]

Perry White: Atomic Space Rats.

Lois Lane: Gesundheit.

["Gesundheit" is German for "God bless you." It is traditional for German, Yiddish, and English speakers to say this when someone sneezes. Lois Lane knows that Perry White did not actually just sneeze. By saying this, she is making a joke, suggesting that what Perry White just said is as equally incomprehensible as a sneeze.]

Perry White: People going nuts for 'em.

Lois Lane: Let me guess. Slow news day.

Perry White: A 70-year-old lady just knocked another lady's dentures out. For crying out loud. Hey, Olsen?

Jimmy Olsen: Yes, sir.

Perry White: You shoulda gotten a picture of that! Now, where's Clark?

Lois Lane: Out on the street. Talking to Santa.

Perry White: Of course, he is.

[Lois Lane chuckles at Perry White's response, as well as at the fact that Clark really is out talking to Santa. Perry White and Lois Lane both think this is just the kind of thing that their often child-like, wide-eyed optimist friend and co-worker would do.]

Timecode: 9 minutes, 8 seconds: Cut to inside a toy factory. Miss Duffy squeezes a teddy bear. It's recorded electronic sound box says "Merry Christmas. I love you." Miss Duffy smiles in glee.

Miss Duffy talks with Mr. Schott (a.k.a. "The Toyman") while they stir a vat of chemicals intended to be used in the Atomic Space Rat toy. They both wear clothespins on their noses to avoid being affected by the powerful behavior-altering fumes. During their conversation we learn that Mr. Schott is angry about having been fired from his job at Metropolis Toys a year ago at Christmas time. He was fired because children didn't like his lastest toy creation, the talking teddy bear that Miss Duffy was squeezing at the beginning of the scene. Mr. Schott is angry at children who didn't like his toys and angry at the company that fired him. He declares that he will make them pay! We see that he and Miss Duffy are manufacturing massive numbers of Atomic Space Rat toys. This will be a toy that the children will want, Mr. Schott declares in an evil, obsessed manner.

[Cut to the outside of Farmingdale's Toys, a toy store in Metropolis. Clark Kent, Lois Lane and Jimmy Olsen arrive on the scene to cover the mob-like frenzy surrounding the Atomic Space Rat toy. The crowd outside the store bursts into the store and goes crazy, trying to get the Atomic Space Rat toy. Once some of the adults (including Lois Lane) spray the Rat's mist on themselves, it's biochemicals start to take effect. Mr. Schott and Miss Duffy are present, observing what happens. Mr. Schott is pleased that the intended effect of the mist is working. When adults are sprayed, they start acting like children. Mr. Schott wants to see if they act like greedy children.]

Meanwhile, outside the store, Superman arrives and talks to the store manager (or owner). He asks the store to donate toys to Coates Orphanage. The man says he is interested in doing so.]

Mr. Schott/Toyman: I'd say so far the rats are living up to every expectation, wouldn't you, Missy Duffy? All right, on to step two of our plan.

Miss Duffy: Step two? Uh, there's a step two?

Mr. Schott/Toyman: We're ruining Christmas, Miss Duffy. It's a big job.

Timecode: 12 minutes, 41 seconds: Lois Lane, Clark Kent and Jimmy Olsen return to the Daily Planet offices. They walk by a large, brighly decorated Christmas tree. Lois Lane is playing with a handful of three Atomic Space Rats. She is acting and speaking like a child.

Clark Kent: Lois, can I just see one?

Lois Lane: No, they're my rats.

[Lois Lane sprays the rat's mist on Clark and Jimmy. The mist instantly causes them to start behaving like greedy children as well. After we see some of their childlike antics, we see Lois Lane talking to her sister Lucy on the phone.]

Lois Lane: Hello, Lucy? It's Lois. I just wanted you to know that you are not invited to my Christmas dinner tomorrow night . . . Well, because all the food that I'm going to buy is mine and I'm not sharing! [Lois laughs and hangs up the phone.]

Timecode: 15 minutes, 41 seconds: Jonathan and Martha Kent (Clark Kent's parents) arrive at the Daily Planet offices. In their arms they carry armloads of Christmas-wraped boxes. A Daily Planet worker rushes by them, wishing them a "Merry Christmas" as he bumps past them on the staircase.

Jonathan Kent: This is the last Christmas we come to Metropolis to do our Christmas shopping. This town is crazy. Everybody pushing and shoving and grabbing.

Martha Kent: Oh, Jonathan, what are you talking about?

Timecode: 16 minutes, 13 seconds: Cut to inside Perry White's office. We see on his desk the three Atomic Space Rats he confiscated from Lois Lane because she was acting in such a bizarre, childlike manner. Classic rock and roll music plays on a portable stereo system: We hear the lyrics of Chubby Checker: "Come on, Baby, let's do the twist." Pery White is dancing on top of his desk. In the commentary track, episode writer Dean Cain describes this as Perry White's "Elvis dance." He has his collar and sleeves turned up in an attempt to look like his idol, Elvis Presley.

Jonathan and Martha Kent enter Perry White's office and are shocked to see him dancing atop his desk. They explain that they are looking for Clark. Martha looks through Perry's glass door and sees her son, Clark, using his heat vision to detach the heel on Lois Lane's high heel shoe, causing her to fall down. Martha is shocked, and she rushes to scold her son. Martha does not yet realize that her son (and others in the office) are under the influence of a powerful biochemical sprayed from the Atomic Space Rat toy.

Martha Kent: Clark Jerome Kent, you get over here right now.

Clark Kent: What? What did I do?

Martha Kent: You know exactly what I did.

[Martha yanks Clark by his ear into an office where she and Jonathan can speak to him privately.]

Martha Kent: You come in here right now . . . I am so angry at you . . . I just don't know what to do with you. I never spanked you. I never had to. But right now, I'd like to drop your britches and tan your hide like cheap leather.

Timecode: 19 minutes, 4 seconds: We see a close-up of dozens of small slips of paper. All of them have the name "Jimmy Olsen" written on them. Jimmy, who is charge of the Secret Santa, is "rigging" the drawing bowl by making sure that all of the names that people draw out will be his. Obviously this is selfish, greedy and irrational. Jimmy is doing this because of the effect of the Atomic Space Rat mist. Jimmy sings "For I'm a merry good fellow" over and over again, to the tune of "For he's a jolly good fellow." He ends his song by stating: "And a merry old Christmas to me" while he drops slips of paper into the Secret Santa bowl. His conversation with his wife shows that that he, too, is still being affected by the mist from the Atomic Space Rat. Instead of looking foward to spending adult time with his wife of many years, he has a child-like reaction against their plans.

Jimmy Olsen: . . . and a merry old Christmas to me.

Timecode: 19 minutes, 19 seconds:

[We see chief editor Perry White at his desk. He is talking to his wife, Alice, on the phone. In his other hand he holds an Elvis Presley snow globe.]

Perry White: I don't know if I wanna spend some dumb, creepy, kissy-face Christmas. I wanna go to Graceland.

[Perry White shakes his Elvis snow globe. This is essentially a religious icon for him. Rather than spending time with his wife, he now thinks he would rather go to the most important and most holy shrine in his religion of Elvis worship: Graceland.]

[We hear a click as Alice hangs up on her seemingly selfish, self-centered husband.]

Perry White: Alice? [A dial tone is heard.] Alice?

[After the effect of the Atomic Space Rat mist has worn off and Clark has realized it caused the strange behavior in people, Lois Lane and Clark Kent continue their investigation the next morning. They track down the wholesale distributor of the Atomic Space Rat. He refuses to tell Lois and Clark who manufactures the toys, because he wants to keep the information all to himself so he can continue making lots of money as the toy's only distributor. But Clark manages to grab an invoice while Lois distracts the man. Outside the distribution center, Clark reads information from the invoice to Lois. Timecode: 23 minutes, 10 seconds:]

Clark Kent: The maker of rats, one W. P. Schott. No address, no phone number. Only a post office box. So . . .

Lois Lane: Background check. [Pauses, changes subject.] Clark, do you have any Christmas plans?

Clark Kent: Yeah, I'm flying back with my folks tonight. Christmas is always the biggest party in Smallville.

Lois Lane: Oh, well, I'm just having a few people over. I thought you might like to come.

Clark Kent: Well, I--

Lois Lane: No, no. I wouldn't want you to change your plans. You should be with your family.

Timecode: 23 minutes, 40 seconds: We see scenes of Metropolis at Christmas time. Toy stores put out new stock of Atomic Space Rats. On the underscore we can hear a children's choir singing a complete verse and chorus from "We Wish You a Merry Christmas."

[Cut to the toy factory wherein the Atomic Space Rats are manufactured. Mr. Schott talks with his assistant, Miss Duffy. She is uncomfortable with his scheme to subject the citizens of Metropolis to the rat's behavior-altering mists, but Mr. Schott rationalizes what they are doing. He also surprises Miss Duffy with some lavish gifts, purchased with the profits of their Atomic Space Rat toy. The Toyman has purchased a new sports car, a fur coat, and a diamond necklace for Miss Duffy.]

Mr. Schott/Toyman: Step three, Miss Duffy.

Miss Duffy: Mr. Schott, this is hard for me to say, but I'm not sure I can keep up with this any longer. You used to love children so much. You were so marvelous to them.

Mr. Schott/Toyman: I'm still marvelous to them. I'm giving them not only what they want, but what they deserve. And it's only temporary. There are no lasting side effects.

[Mr. Schott presents Miss Duffy with the new car he has purchased for her. Then he hands her the fur coat, or faux fur coat.]

Mr. Schott/Toyman: And this. Man-made, of course. We don't wanna hurt the little creatures. [Resuming their talk about the Space Rats.] You see, Miss Duffy, there are advantages to striking back. I mean, after all, what are we doing anyway? It's not as if we're foisting something on the public they don't want, are we?

Miss Duffy: Well, I suppose not.

Mr. Schott/Toyman: And in the meantime, if people become the scabrous, obtuse, jealous, greedy bunch of prebuscents they are anyway . . . well, then, all the better then, huh? [Chuckles, and pulls a very expensive diamond necklace from his pocket, presenting it to her.] Merry Christmas, Miss Duffy.

Timecode: 26 minutes, 17 seconds: Lois Land and Clark Kent walk outside. Their investigation into the Atomic Space Rats is on hold until they receive the background report on Mr. Schott. Lois asks Clark about his Christmas tree. Lois and Clark walk to an outdoor Christmas tree lot, where a number of different sizes and shapes of Christmas trees are available for purchase.

Lois Lane: Did you get your tree yet?

Clark Kent: Yeah. You?

Lois Lane: No. I always have trouble deciding. See, I like the big pretty ones, but I feel so sorry for the little scrawny ones. I remember when I was twelve . . . my parents had just split up so they didn't bother to get a tree. I broke into my piggy bank. I went and found the ugliest, loneliest little tree I could find. I thought if I could make that tree beautiful that I would have a great Christmas. So I decorated it with ribbons and popcorn and tin foil.

Clark Kent: And?

Lois Lane: And the needles fell off, it turned black and Mom threw it out.

[Clark Kent chuckles and Lois smiles.]

Lois Lane: You know, I'm not a kid any more. I should just get a great tree and have a great Christmas, right?

Clark Kent: Now, that is the spirit.

[Cut to inside of Lois Lane's apartment. Lois and Clark enter. Lois is carrying a fairly small, oddly shapped Christmas tree.]

Lois Lane: I just couldn't leave it there all alone.

Clark Kent: Heh. I understand.

[Lois Lane sets the tree down on a small end table and gets a box of Christmas decorations out.]

Lois Lane: You don't think it's ugly?

Clark Kent: I think . . . it has lots of potential.

[Lois Lane hangs a simple red Christmas tree ornament on the tree. Unfortunately, the weak limb of the tree droops and the ornament falls off, shattering when it hits Lois Lane's wood floor. Clark and Lois look at the shattered pieces with amusement.]

Timecode: 28 minutes, 10 seconds: Lois has received a report analyzing the mist inside the Atomic Space Rats.

Lois Lane: [to Clark] That goo inside the rats is a highly sophisticated, psychotropic, mind-altering drug.

[Angela gives Jimmy Olsen a present, telling him that he is her secret Santa pick. Then Perry White gives Jimmy a present. Then everybody in the office piles Jimmy's arms with presents. Angela realizes that Jimmy rigged the Secret Santa, and the is angry at him. She takes her gift back, tells him he's a jerk, and storms off. Perry White, seeing what happens, counsels Jimmy Olsen. Perry's lines here are laced with references to classic Elvis Presley lyrics. Note, for example, how Perry starts by saying that Angela would "take your heart" and ends by saying he himself will be "lonesome tonight." Timecode: 28 minutes, 54 seconds:]

Perry White: Let her go, Jimmy. She'd take your heart and tear it right out of your chest.

Jimmy Olsen: Still can't find Alice?

Perry White: Oh, well, she left word that she's gone. I still got poeple looking for her, but, you know, we were supposed to spend Christmas together. I was gonna put on my special little Santa suit. I don't know, I feel like I've been down seven miles of bad road. I can't remember anything. Everything's a haze. Lois and Clark say it has something to do with those nasty little rats, but they can't prove anything. Well, you know, even if I could find her, it'd sound like a pretty flimsy excuse. I guess I'm gonna just be lonesome tonight.

Jimmy Olsen: Yeah.

Lois Lane: Well, you two are invited to my house for a Christmas Eve dinner tonight.

Perry White: Well, that sure beats the soup kitchen, huh?

Lois Lane: Don't get your hopes too high, Chief.

[Clark Kent reports their findings on the Atomic Space Rats to authorities, who order the toys removed from all shelves. Mr. Schott sees a news report about the discovery that the toys contain powerful mind-altering drugs. Timecode: 32 minutes, 50 seconds:]

Mr. Schott/Toyman: Help me get the chemicals into the truck. Miss Duffy, I said I need your help!

Miss Duffy: Well, what are you gonna do?

Mr. Schott/Toyman: Out little toy enterprise may be coming to an end, Miss Duffy, but the game isn't over. Metropolis still has lessons to learn and we're still the teachers.

Timecode: 33 minutes, 44 seconds:

Lois Lane: You know what would make my Christmas merry?

Clark Kent: What?

Lois Lane: Winslow P. Schott, bagged and tagged.

Clark Kent: Well, let's get him.

Timecode: 33 minutes, 53 seconds: A sign reads: "WATER DEPT. PUMPING STATION." Mr. Schott (the Toyman) brough a chemical truck or cement mixing truck to the site. He dumps chemicals from the truck into the Metropolis water supply.

Mr. Schott/Toyman: Ha ha ha ha! If you're not going to breathe it, drink it. A holiday gift from me to the Metropolitan Water Supply. Merry Christmas, Metropolis!

Timecode: 34 minutes, 43 seconds: Having tracked down the location, Lois Lane and Clark Kent enter the now-abandoned toy factory that produced the Atomic Space Rats. They see that a vat that produced the chemical goo in the rats is now empty.

Lois Lane: Where's our toyman and his nasty goo?

Clark Kent: I don't know, but it looks like he just got the Dear John letter.

[Clark Kent picks up a handwritten letter that sits next to the abandoned $50,000 necklace that Mr. Schott had given to Miss Duffy. Lois reads the letter.]

Lois Lane: [reading] "Dr. Mr. Schott, I cannot go on participating in this. I have gone to give the last good thing you made for the world to some deserving children. Miss Duffy."

[Immediately before this scene, Clark noticed Miss Duffy handing teddy bears to children at the orphanage. At that time, he did not know that she worked with Mr. Schott.]

Clark Kent: That lady from the orphanage.

[Mr. Schott walks into the factory, carrying a gift for Miss Duffy. He has not yet seen the Dear John letter.]

Mr. Schott/Toyman: Miss Duffy, Miss Duffy! I have a surprise.

Lois Lane: So do we. You're busted. Merry Christmas.

[Mr. Schott is shocked when Clark Kent hands him Miss Duffy's note. Mr. Schott has worked with Miss Duffy for twenty years. He thought she would never leave him. Clark Kent offers to tell Mr. Schott where Miss Duffy is if he will tell them what he (Schott) did with the chemicals.]

[When Lois and Clark take Mr. Schott to the orphanage, a runaway horse carriage almost runs over a little orphan, but Mr. Schott risks his life to shield the girl with his own body. Superman swoops in and moves both Schott and the girl out of the way of the horse, before it's hooves can injure them.]

Superman: You sure took a big chance for someone who doesn't like children very much.

Miss Duffy: Oh, you don't understand, Mr. Superman. He really loves children.

Mr. Schott/Toyman: I wasn't thinking. I just saw her there. Why would she run out there like that?

[Mr. Schott sees that Lois Lane is holding in her hand one Atomic Space Rat and one of his previously-designed toys, the talking teddy bear. Mr. Schott realizes that the little girl, Danielle, was crossing the street because she wanted to go to where Lois was, because she wanted the toy. Mr. Schott is disgusted once again, thinking that the girl wanted his Atomic Space Rat toy, rather than his teddy bear.]

Mr. Schott/Toyman: Ah! I should have known. The rats. Greedy just like everyone.

[But then Danielle, the little girl who hasn't spoken for three years since she lost her mother, does something surprising. She reaches out and takes from Lois Lane's arms not the Atomic Space Rat, but the teddy bear. Mr. Schott's heart melts with joy to see that a child wanted his teddy bear. The girl squeezes the teddy bear. It plays an audio recording: "Merry Christmas. I love you."]

Teddy Bear: Merry Christmas. I love you.

Danielle: Merry Christmas to you, Mr. Bear.

Santa/orphanage worker: She-- She-- Did you hear that? Did you hear that? Danielle? That's the first words she's spoken since I've known her. It's a miracle!

[Danielle kisses the bear. Seeing this miracle, Superman, Lois, and the orphanage worker all smile.]

Danielle: [to the teddy bear] I love you.

Lois Lane: I guess there's more to people than just greed, Mr. Schott.

Danielle: [to Mr. Schott] Is this your bear, mister?

Miss Duffy: [pointing to Mr. Schott] He made it.

Mr. Schott/Toyman: I made it for you.

[Danielle uses her finger to gesture to Mr. Schott, to invite him to bend down. She kisses him on the cheek.]

Danielle: Thank you.

[Lois notices that Clark isn't around. Superman explains where Clark went.]

Miss Duffy: Uh, Mr. Schott's really a good man. He was so hurt when the children said they didn't like his toys.

Mr. Schott/Toyman: Superman, I'm sorry. I'm just so ashamed.

Superman: Just tell me what you did with the chemicals.

[Cut to shot of Superman flying over mountains. Superman flies to the city water reservoir. He uses his heat vision to heat up the water to boiling temperature. At that temperature, the chemicals that Schott put into the water transform into harmless CO2.]

Timecode: 38 minutes, 36 seconds: Superman pulls a Christmas sleigh through the sky. In the sleigh we see Lois Lane, Jimmy Olsen, and Perry White. Perry is wearing an Elvis-style Santa Claus suit. He jingles a handfull of Christmas bells.

Perry White: Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas!

Jimmy Olsen: Yeah!

[Superman, Lois, Perry and Jimmy cut a striking profile as they fly in front of the full moon.]

Perry White: Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas!

[Police officers escort Mr. Schott from the Coates Orphanage. They are surrounded by Miss Duffy and a half dozen children.]

Mr. Schott/Toyman: Please, can't we spend a little more time with the children?

Miss Duffy: Officer, it would mean so much to us.

Orphan child: Please?

[The people on the ground can hear Perry White shouting as Superman lands the sled.]

Perry White: Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas to all!

Children: It's Santa!

Jimmy Olsen: Merry Christmas!

Perry White: Come on, ids. Santa's got some presents over here.

Superman: Officers, can Mr. Schott and Miss Duffy give us a hand giving out these toys? I'll make sure they get back to the station myself.

Police officer: All right, sir.

Lois Lane: [to Superman] I told myself I was gonna have a real Christmas . . . one I'd find for myself.

Superman: And?

[A young orphan walks up to Lois Lane. She hands the child a stuffed doll. Lois Lane chuckles lightly when she sees the child's happiness upon receiving the present.]

Lois Lane: And I have.

[There is a long pause as Lois Lane and Superman look at each other with deep admiration.]

Lois Lane: Merry Christmas, Superman.

[Lois Lane kisses Superman on his cheek.]

Superman: Merry Christmas, Lois.

[Lois turns and steps away. Cut to Perry White. He is talking on a cell phone.]

Perry White: Superman, I just found out Alice is in a hotel downtown. I gotta get down there right away.

Superman: I understand. Stay in the sleigh. I'll give you a big entrance.

Perry White: Oh, great. [Turning to Lois.] Ah, Lois, sorry I'm gonna miss your dinner.

Superman: So am I.

Lois Lane: I understand. [Looking at Perry.] Big holiday for you. [Looking at Superman.] No holidays for you.

[Superman smiles at Lois. Lois chuckles lightly. She really does understand about people not being able to come to her dinner. She seems to be mellow and accepting of the situation. She is exhibiting true charity toward others in allowing them to do things that need to come first in their lives, before attending dinner with her.]

Perry White: Okay, Superman, giddyup! Away!

[Superman flies off with the Christmas sleigh and Perry White in tow.]

Jimmy Olsen: [to Lois] So, what time is dinner?

Lois Lane: You're not coming.

Jimmy Olsen: I'm not.

Lois Lane: I explained how you were not quite yourself before. She's a very understanding girl. You should hang on to her. It's rare.

[Lois glances across the way to where the beautiful Angela steps forward from behind a wall. Lois Lane's Christmas gift to Jimmy Olsen: A Christmas date spent with Angela.]

Lois Lane: [to Jimmy] Merry Christmas.

Jimmy Olsen: [to Lois] Merry Christmas.

[Jimmy Olsen gives Lois Lane a big hug. He is immensely grateful to Lois for arranging this. Jimmy rushes off to be with Angela, leaving Lois alone. She is happy. Lois looks on with satisfaction as Jimmy talks to Angela. But there is a bit of melancholy about her as well. She planned a big Christmas dinner for Christmas Eve, she invited many friends and family, and now she knows that nobody will be coming. Nobody but herself.]

Timecode: 41 minutes, 42 seconds: Cut to interior of Lois Lane's apartment. Closeup on a cute little model ice skating rink, with little plastic ice skaters moving around on it. As the camera pans around the apartment, we can see that Lois Lane has gone to considerable effort to decorate her place for Christmas and she has prepared a sumptuous Christmas dinner. She is also dressed up in an elegant (and uncustomarily revealing) party dress. Music plays in the background: "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas." Lois Lane places two tall, lit candles on the dinner table, on either side of the roast turkey.

[A breeze can be heard at the window. The breeze causes the candles to go out. Lois Lane turns to face the window, hopeful that Superman has arrived. But there is noone at the window. It was just the wind. Lois is disappointed. Then, a knock is heard at the door. Lois opens it. Clark Kent stands in the doorway.]

Lois Lane: Clark, you came!

[Lois rushes foward and hugs Clark.]

Lois Lane: Oh! Why aren't you in Smallville with your folks?

Clark Kent: Oh, uh, my plane got snowed in.

Lois Lane: It did?

[Lois rushes to the window. She looks outside. There is no sign of snow or inclement weather.]

Lois Lane: It's not snowing.

Clark Kent: It isn't?

[Lois smiles. She knows Clark is fibbing to her. She knows Clark wanted to be here.]

Lois Lane: You're just the best.

[Lois walks over to him and holds his lapels, pushing him toward the kitchen table.]

Lois Lane: Oh, and you are gonna get stuffed. I made a turkey and yams and cranberries and stuffing. Did you know you have to make the stuffing, it doesn't come in the bird?

Clark Kent: Yeah, I heard that someplace. Uh, I brought you a gift.

[Clark holds out a small Christmas-wrapped gift. Lois takes it from his hand.]

Lois Lane: Oh?

Clark Kent: Open it. I told Superman that story about your Christmas tree when you were twelve, and he and I both decided that this might look good on that little guy. [Referring to her little Christmas tree.]

Lois Lane: Oh.

[Lois looks at the gift. It is a beautiful white crystal Star of Bethlehem, meant to go on top of her Christmas tree.]

Lois Lane: It's beautiful. I've never seen anything like it. Where did he get it?

Clark Kent: Uh . . .

[Clark doesn't answer Lois Lane's question vocally, but he points upward. Lois Lane's eyes follow where Clark is point to: the sky (or space or Heaven). Lois Lane's mouth opens in surprise. She is stunned. Then she is very impressed. Only Superman could do something like that!]

Lois Lane: Wow!

What exactly does Clark mean by this? Does Clark mean that Superman obtained this star from the sky, or from space? Apparently this is what he means. In a poetic way, perhaps he is saying this is actually a star from Heaven, or it is actually the Star of Bethlehem.

From a purely rational perspective, it doesn't really make sense to suggest that Superman obtained a crystal Christmas tree star from space. But Lois Lane accepts Clark's gestured explanation at face value. Perhaps the best way to understand this scene is to think of it as literature or poetry: The gift is a star. Stars are in space. Superman, a being who transcends Earthly mortality, obtained the star from space or from Heaven. Nothing more needs to be said. In this scene, nothing more was said about the origin of this beautiful, symbolic star.

[Holding the precious star in her hand, Lois Lane walks over to her little Christmas tree.]

Lois Lane: I'm just gonna put it on.

[Lois puts the crystal star on the very top of the Christmas tree - right where it was designed to go. Lois stands back a couple feet to admire the star and the tree.]

Lois Lane: I love it.

[Lois pats Clark's shoulder and then takes his hand in hers. A tender, romantic look passes between Lois and Clark. Their spell is broken when they hear the sound of Christmas carolers. They are singing "It Came Upon a Midnight Clear."]

Lois Lane: Carolers.

Clark Kent: Yeah.

[Lois and Clark walk to the window and push open the curtains. They look down at the street,where carolers are singing. The carolers wear very traditional English Christmas caroler attire, as if they stepped out of a Charles Dickens story.]

We can clearly hear the carolers sing the complete first verse of "It Came Upon a Midnight Clear." Below are the Christmas carol lyrics we can hear sung during this scene:

It came upon the midnight clear,
That glorious song of old,
From angels bending near the earth,
To touch their harps of gold:
"Peace on the earth, goodwill to men
From heavens all gracious King!"
The world in solemn stillness lay
To hear the angels sing.

Lois Lane: I wonder where Superman spends his Christmas.

[Lois and Clark hear the sound of sleigh bells in the sky. They both look up.]

Lois Lane: He must still be pulling Perry around in that sleigh.

[Clark chuckles uncomfortably.]

Lois thinks that she hears Superman in the sky. But Clark knows that the noise can't be Superman - because he is secretly Superman! Who is making the noise of sleigh bells in the sky. Could it be the real Santa Claus? Clark looks up into the sky more intently. Clearly he is wondering about the source of the sound they heard.

[Lois holds Clark's hand more closely. Snow starts to fall. Lois rests her head on Clark's shoulder. The scene fades to black and the closing credits start to roll. We hear Santa Claus - apparently the real Santa!]

Santa Claus: Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas!

Commentary track by episode writer and star Dean Cain:

Timecode: 1 minute, 23 seconds:

Dean Cain: And the reason I wrote a Christmas episode is that Christmas is my favorite holiday, as it is for a lot of people, because the family gets together, and I really enjoy that feeling of having everyone together, and having the families together. And it's my favorite time of the year. Plus, it gets a run every Christmas, so I get to know I'm going to see this one at Christmas time, which is a lot of fun.

Timecode: 1 minute, 49 seconds:

Dean Cain: That is the Atomic Space Rat, the most ridiculous creation ever. And that's the whole point, that it's a ridiculous creation. Just like every year, there seems to be some ridiculous child's toy out there, whether it's the Cabbage Patch dolls or whatever, there's always the rage. So we made this to be ridiculous, so that this toymaker will control Christmas. Because Christmas had become, as Lois said, an over-commercialized, ridiculous, crazy holiday, as opposed to what it really, in my opinion, is: when families get together. People might, you know, outside of any religious connotations for the birth of Christ and things of that nature, it just-- It's a wonderful time of the year, and we are really celebrating, you know, families and people getting together, regardless of their religious faith.

Timecode: 4 minutes, 19 seconds: During the opening credit sequence.

Dean Cain: Lane Smith, rest in peace. Great guy.

Timecode: 5 minutes, 39 seconds:

Dean Cain: The reason I came up, again, with the Christmas episode is that it is my favorite time of the year, and it has that special sort of feeling. And look, silly Clark is gonna stay and talk with Santa.

Timecode: 6 minutes, 5 seconds:

Dean Cain: Lane Smith. Terrific actor. So much fun as Perry White. And probably the best Perry White of all. And he recently passed away, and God bless him. I was very happy to know him.

Timecode: 7 minutes, 1 second:

Dean Cain: [Speaking of Terry Hatcher in her role as Lois Lane] There she is, being a Grinch. But that will change, as the episode goes on.

Timecode: 8 minutes, 20 seconds:

Dean Cain: Superman is an orphan, of course, so that's why he has a special place in his heart for this [orphanage], which I thought was pretty fun.

Timecode: 12 minutes, 25 seconds:

Dean Cain: There is that sense of the comercialization of Christmas, which really is not about - even in my own family - it's never about the gift. It's just about everyone getting together, and that's a big part of the point I wanted to make with this show.

Timecode: 16 minutes, 13 seconds:

Dean Cain: And, of course, here we get Lane Smith [as Perry White] doing his Elvis. Lane will go for it, man! He is so funny! And he had the entire cast and crew on the floor when he was doing this dance. Yep, there it is, the old backside twist. Illegal in three states.

Timecode: 24 minutes, 32 seconds:

Dean Cain: [referring to Sherman Helmsley's character "Mr. Schott"] And this character is based on the Toyman, who was, uh, a character who really did exist in Superman lore, but it's a little bit different than the Toyman who existed in the comics.

Timecode: 26 minutes, 47 seconds:

Dean Cain: Here you get Lois's background for why she chooses the Christmas trees that she does, the big metaphor for her life.

Timecode: 31 minutes, 31 seconds:

Dean Cain: Now we get the backstory. Mr. Schott was fired. He's angry, and he's gonna ruin Christmas. Now they figured it out. They gotta track him down. And in the meantime, some fun stuff will happen between Lois and Clark.

Timecode: 34 minutes, 47 seconds:

Dean Cain: [referring to the character of Clark Kent/Superman, and the way he distorts the truth about himself in order to maintain a secret identity] See, as much as he's virtuous and moral, he can bend the rules, on occasion, for good.

Timecode: 35 minutes, 41 seconds:

Dean Cain: See, the story isn't so much about chasing them, getting the bad guy. It's more about the relationships. And that's why there wasn't a big chase in this particular episode. It's about the people. That's the part I like.

Timecode: 35 minutes, 56 seconds:

Dean Cain: Danielle sees something she likes. And of course the Toyman doesn't like the bear. Now she has the choice: the teddy bear or the Atomic Space Rat. And as she goes across [the road] . . . a carriage! And she's gonna be a goner, but no! Who saves her? The blur. The two thousand dollar blur of Superman. [Referring to what it costs the special effects department to put in the red and blue speed blur that visually indicates Superman moving at super speed to save Danielle.] But who tried to save her? Mr. Schott, the Toyman, because his heart is very, very good... [As Danielle chooses the teddy bear in Lois Lane's arms and not the Atomic Space Rat.] Now he [Mr. Schott] sees the goodness of his real toy. And when she [Danielle] speaks, it still breaks my heart. Tiny Tim said, "And Merry Christmas. Bless us, everyone."

Timecode: 38 minutes, 44 seconds:

Dean Cain: [Referring to Perry White in his custom Elvis Sant suit.] Not something you see every day. Elvis Santa. [Referring to the scene in which Superman pulls the sleigh with Perry, Jimmy and Lois across the large full moon hanging in the nigh sky.] And right across the moon. Thank you, Steven Spielberg. A little, you know, homage to E.T.

Timecode: 39 minutes, 44 seconds:

Dean Cain: It's great that Lois now appreciates Christmas. However, the story's not over. Because she still doesn't know they're one in the same. [Referring to the fact that Clark and Superman are the same person.] So everyone's getting together with their loved ones. And everyone's gonna stay away from Lois's dinner. So Lois will be alone, once again, on Christmas Eve... So everyone gets to get together with their loved ones, and it's fantastic. Except, of course . . . Lois Lane.

Timecode: 41 minutes, 53 seconds:

Dean Cain: Now, here's where I have my beef with [series producer] John MacNamara [or "John McNamara", who had oversight over the script for this episode]. I'd wanted to insert a scene where, in between this, where, or at the same time, where Clark is in Smallville, having a dinner, big family dinner, with his whole family and friends and everybody together, and I wanted them to say grace, and have his mother say Christmas, how, whatever your faith is, whatever you believe in, it doesn't make a difference, it's about people being together and being with the ones that you love. And then I wanted, just to kind of go in on Clark and think that he was there, that he was gonna stay there, and suddenly he'd show up [at Lois Lane's apartment]. But this makes it look like she's waiting for Superman. Which she is. That's certainly not the intent that I wanted at the beginning. But John took over, and he had more power than I did . . . But I did get what I wanted here, which is the two of them together.

Timecode: 43 minutes, 8 seconds:

Dean Cain: [Referring to the part in which Clark tells Lois that his flight was cancelled due to snow, which is why he was able to show up at her Christmas Eve dinner.] So he's clearly not telling the truth, and she realizes that. Which is a pretty clear message... Now that line, "You are gonna get stuffed", created such trouble in the country of Australia, because it has another meaning down under, and apparently it created quite a stir. I didn't write it with that in mind, but it was pretty funny the way it turned out.

Timecode: 44 minutes, 1 second:

Dean Cain: [Referring to the part in which Lois Lane sees the Christmas star Clark gives her, and says: "I've never seen anything like it."] That's because there is nothing like it. [Referring to the part in which Lois Lane takes Clark by the hand.] There we go, Lois and Clark, getting closer. And before the kiss, in come the carolers.

The process of listing characters who appeared in this source is not yet complete. Webpage for Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman - Season 2, Episode 9 (4 Dec. 1994) created 15 January 2008. Last modified 11 June 2014.

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