Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman
Season 3, Episode 11 (17 Dec. 1995): “Home Is Where the Hurt Is”
by William M. Akers, Eugenie Ross-Leming, Brad Buckner, Geoffrey Nottage

Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman - Season 3, Episode 11

Title: “Home Is Where the Hurt Is”

Medium: television series episode

Original airdate: 17 Dec. 1995

Publisher:
Written by: William M. Akers, Eugenie Ross-Leming, Brad Buckner
Directed by: Geoffrey Nottage

8 characters in this story:

Character (Click links for info about character and his/her religious practice, affiliation, etc.)	Religious Affiliation	Team(s) [Notes]	Pub.	# app.
Superman (Clark Kent)	Methodist / Kryptonian religion	Kryptonians; Super Friends...  The Justice League		13,409
Lois Lane	Catholic	Raleigh College [Superman's girlfriend, then wife]		3,859
Jimmy Olsen	Lutheran	The Legion of Super-Heroes [Superman's pal]		1,896
Perry White	Baptist; Elvis worship (ordained)	[Superman's (Clark Kent's) boss; Daily Planet editor]		1,574
Jonathan Kent	Methodist	[Superman's adoptive father]		816
Martha Kent	Methodist	[Superman's adoptive mother]		827
Ellen Lane	Catholic	[Lois Lane's mother]		23
Sam Lane	Catholic	[Lois Lane's father]		84

Timecode: 0 minutes, 0 seconds: Snow falls on Metropolis. Inside the Daily Planet offices, employees put up Christmas decorations: Green wreaths, red ribbons, and other trimming. A large Christmas tree stands in the office. Christmas music can be heard: "The Twelve Days of Christmas." Employees can be seen carrying Christmas gifts, wrapped with Christmas wrapping paper and ribbons. Another employee walks by carrying a Poinsetta plant. Some employees wear Santa Claus-style red caps with furry white trim. A "Toys For Tots" poster can be seen (providing information about a progam in which employees donate toys for needy children). Jimmy Olsen enters the office and smiles upon seeing all the Christmas decorations.

Perry White: Hey, Jimmy, look at this. My son's invited him to go skiing with him for the Holidays.

Jimmy Olsen: It sounds great.

Perry White: What are you doing for Christmas?

Jimmy Olsen: Ah. My my mom mentioned meeting her in Vegas.

Perry White: Well, that's what holidays are all about. Being with family.

Lois Lane: [somberly] As long as it's not my family.

Clark Kent: You're not going to your mom's for Christmas?

Lois Lane: Ugh. Clark, I just can't. I always think it's gonna be nice and every year it's just arguing and fighting. I mean, not that it won't look perfect. My family always looks perfect.

Clark Kent: So . . . How'd you get out of it?

Lois Lane: I told them I had to cover for you because you were headed to Smallville. Which isn't a total lie because you are headed to Smallville.

Clark Kent: No, I'm not. My folks decided to come here.

Lois Lane: Oh, God. It is a total lie.

[Clark Kent laughs at the distress evident on Lois Lane's face after she lies to her parents.]

Lois Lane: So, your folks are coming out here? Oh, I love your parents. They're just so . . . not insane.

[Clark hears a bit of a news story playing on the television. He looks up at, suggesting that Lois look as well.]

Clark Kent: Lois, some families have worse trouble than yours.

[The TV screen shows Mindy Church, the nurse who in a previous episode married Bill Church Sr., the former head of Intergang. Once the ruthless head of the world's largest criminal organization, Bill Church experienced sincere repentence and tried to turn Intergang into a genuinely benevolent, charitable organization. But his new wife Mindy schemed with his son (Bill Church Jr.) and had her husband framed for a number of crimes. Since her husband has gone to jail, Mindy Church has taken over control of Intergang. To outsiders, Mindy Church continues to pretend to be a dim-witted innocent who is oblivious to everything related to Intergang.]

LNN News Reporter: ...overcame her personal loss by sharing her joy of the Holidays with the less fortunate. So, Mrs. Church, with your husband in prison, you devoted your fortune to aiding the destitute.

Mindy Church: And poor people, too! Oh, I wish my husband wasn't an evil monster who once ran all the crime the city, but . . . whatever. May I?

[Mindy Church takes the microphone from the LNN news reporter.]

Mindy Church: I wanna hug you, Metropolis, and become a true Metropolian myself!

[End scene.]

Timecode: 1 minute, 35 seconds: Mindy Church meets with the top criminals who run the crime rackets in Metropolis. Mindy Church tells them she doesn't want to simply run the Cost Mart retail chain (a legitimate business she inherited from her now-jailed husband). She wants to start up Intergang again, and have all the crimelords present answer to her. The flatly turn her down and start to leave. She presses some buttons, causing the room to be sealed off and poisonous gas to pour in, while she dons a gas mask. Mindy Church thus murders the city's top crimelords and consolidates criminal activity in the city under her control, in the name of the newly reinvigorated Intergang. Mindy Church, wearing her gas mask, giggles as she watches the men die.

Timecode: 3 minutes, 51 seconds: We see a street corner Santa Claus ringing a bell, petitioning donations. A sign at his side reads "Happy HOLIDAYS."

[Not far from where the street corner Santa rings his bell, policemen and coroners remove the murdered bodies of the men who were the top crime bosses in Metropolis. Nobody knows who murdered them. Lois Lane and Clark Kent are at the scene as reporters. They wonder if this is the act of one of Bill Church's lieutenants, trying to start up Intergang again. They don't suspect Mindy Church at all, although Perry White told Lois to interview the apparently ditzy woman in case she heard something useful.]

[In a store window, Lois Lane and Clark Kent see a TV advertisement that greatly embarrasses Lois. Lois Lane's own father is advertising something he invented: "Abs in a Bottle," which guarantees great abs and great buns. It is probably "snake oil."]

Lois Lane: Well, I can't take any more. I mean, this man was a brilliant surgeon. He had a family and a good live and he abandoned us, to create cyborgs and . . . do this. I know you thought I was exagerrating about my family, but, uh, well . . . Well . . .

Clark Kent: Well, when we're married, they'll be my family, too.

Lois Lane: I suppose that means you're gonna back about?

Clark Kent: Heh heh. No way!

[Lois Lane smiles, feeling supported by her understanding fiance.]

Timecode: 5 minutes, 21 seconds: More Christmas music can be heard on the underscore, along with sleigh bells, as the scene transitions, showing a massive Christmas tree outside the Daily Planet building. A flower seller sells Christmas Poinsettia plants. The camera pans to a park bench where we see Mindy Church crying while being interviewed by Lois Lane.

Mindy Church: Sorry to get emotional, but you just touched a nerve.

Lois Lane: How is it that you feel so bereft? You're husband left you in charge of millions, and the chain of Cost Mart stores.

Mindy Church: Can a store keep you warm at night? Can a store call you "Honey Bunny"? Can a store . . . Oh! What else can't stores do?

Lois Lane: Poach an egg?

[Lois asks Mindy Church about Intergang. She feigns ignorance about Intergang. An assassin in a clown costume releases a bouquet of helium-filled balloons, which are timed to pop and release a bomb onto Mindy Church to kill her. Superman saves her and Lois.]

Timecode: 7 minutes, 9 seconds: Cut to the secret lair or workshop of Joey Bermuda, the affable bomb maker who in the previous scene failed to assassinate Mindy Church. The bomb maker is talking on the phone to his young daughter, speaking as a man who is really quite a good father, despite his profession.

Joey Bermuda: No, Cheryl-Marie, you can not stay up past nine . . . Honey, you can watch TV. Just none of that gratuitous violence, okay?

[The bombmaker fires a powerful laser weapon he is working on and shoots a human-shaped target. The man's actions contrast considerably with his kind, fatherly words to his daughter.]

Joey Bermuda: I'll see you tonight.

[The bombmaker hangs up. Mindy Church enters the workshop.]

Mindy Church: Joey Bermuda? Also known as the "Handyman," world's ingenious assassin? You tried to blow me up today, Joey. I don't appreciate that.

Joey Bermuda: What makes you think it was me?

Mindy Church: Oh! Clown. Balloons. Bomb. It all adds up. You never do things the easy way.

Joey Bermuda: Well, I try to have fun with my work.

Mindy Church: I suppose every crime boss in Metropolis pitched in?

Joey Bermuda: Or what's left of every crime boss in Metropolis - the one's you didn't gas. I guess you're here to shoot me?

Mindy Church: Don't be silly. I'm here to hire you.

[Mindy explains that she has more cash then all of the crime lords put together, and she will soon control all organized city in the city. She says the only problem is Superman, and she wants to hire Joey Bermuda to kill him. He says all criminals would like to do that, but it's impossible. Mindy suggests a way to do it: expose Superman to a dangerous virus from Krypton. She then shows him the means to do this. She has in her possession the space ship the infant Clark Kent (Jor-El) came to Earth on from Krypton. It has many microbes, germs, etc., in it still. These have no effect on humans, but Mindy Church believes she and Joey can develop a way to expose Superman to the most virulent of these, and put him out of commission. This is the central "villainous plot" of this episode, although much of the time in this episode is occupied by the B-plot involving Lois Lane's parents both visiting her at Christmas time.]

Timecode: 9 minutes, 26 seconds: Lois Lane arrives at her apartment, late in the evening. Clark is there at her door. There is a Christmas wreath on Lois Lane's door. Clark has a box full of take-out food. Lois asks what the food is for. Clark reminds Lois that she had invited him and his parents over for dinner. But she had forgotten. When Lois and Clark enter the apartment, Clark's parents are already there, setting things up for dinner. Lois apologizes about forgetting. They assure her it is no big deal. Clark's parents try to tell her that her parents are about to arrive as well. But before they can do so, the door bell rings. Much to Lois Lane's surprise, it is her mother.

[Note the Christmas cards and various other Christmas decorations in Lois Lane's apartment.]

Ellen Lane: Surprise!

Lois Lane: Mother!

Ellen Lane: Lois.

Clark Kent: Oh, boy.

Ellen Lane: Oh! I couldn't stand alone and miserable in this wretched city at Christmas!

[Lois Lane's mother finally notices Clark and his parents. She looks disappointed to see them.]

Ellen Lane: Actually, I pictured you more alone than this.

Lois Lane: Oh, well, yes, I just, uh . . . Mother, this is Clark.

Martha Kent: Lois, can I talk to you for just a minute.

Lois Lane: And these are Clark's parents.

Martha Kent: Uh, Lois!

[Martha Kent is trying to tell Lois something. But she doesn't have a chance to. We can hear the sound of a toilet flushing. Then, out of the bathroom, walks Sam Lane, Lois Lane's father.]

Sam Lane: Surprise! [seeing Lois] Princess!

Lois Lane: Daddy!

Sam Lane: [seeing his ex-wife] Ellen!

Ellen Lane: Sam!

Clark Kent: Oh, boy.

Lois Lane: Uh, Martha, were you trying to tell me something?

Martha Kent: You're father's here.

[Everybody looks at each other uncomfortably. Fade to black. Cut to commercial break.]

Timecode: 10 minutes, 54 seconds:

Ellen Lane: Lois, I'm leaving.

Lois Lane: Oh, Mother, no!

Ellen Lane: Lois, yes! [pointing to Sam.] You invited him!

Lois Lane: No, I didn't!

Ellen Lane: Then why is he here?

Sam Lane: Well, I'm the father.

Lois Lane and Ellen Lane: [in unison] Not for the last seventeen years.

Sam Lane: It's the Holiday Season. It's time to mend my fences!

Clark Kent: Hey, how about a glass of holiday cheer?

Martha Kent: Yes! A glass of holiday cheer.

Ellen Lane: I'm an alcoholic.

[Clark and his parents all look shocked and embarrassed.]

Martha Kent: Uh huh.

Sam Lane: Ellen, I was kind of hoping . . . uh, you'd view our past as I do.

Ellen Lane: As a cesspool of abandonment and humiliation?

Sam Lane: As past. Over! [I wish I had been better] in my personal life and the medical profession. But now I have a whole new lease on life!

Ellen Lane: Goodbye, Lois.

Lois Lane: Mother!

Sam Lane: No, no, don't leave, Ellen. I want to introduce you to someone special! [Opens the door to the balcony and calls down to the street.] Come on in, Honey!

Ellen Lane: You brough a date!?

Sam Lane: We need to be grown-ups. Get everything out in the open.

Lois Lane: She's outside! It's freezing!

Sam Lane: Ah, she doesn't mind! [Opens the front door to the apartment.] I'd like you to meet my fiance, Baby Gunderson.

[A smiling but apparently vacant-minded woman stands at the door. She is beautiful, and very, very young, especially for someone the age of Sam Lane, who must be in his sixties or seventies.]

Lois Lane: My God! She's nine years old!

Lois Lane: I'm speechless.

[Clark Kent jumps in, trying to be polite and show some kindness to this newly-introduced young woman.]

Clark Kent: Ah . . . Ah, hello . . . Baby. Gee, you must be cold.

Baby Gunderson: I do not feel the cold.

[When she speaks, Baby Gunderson continues smiling, but speaks mechanically, like a robot from TV or movies.]

Martha Kent: Oh, egg nog!

Baby Gunderson: I do not drink.

Ellen Lane: Not yet, that is.

Sam Lane: Ellen, don't think of her as a human being!

Clark Kent: Uh, sir, that's a little harsh.

Sam Lane: I made her.

Lois Lane: Excuse me?

Sam Lane: Hm. Built her. You remember how I used to tinker around with cyborgs? Heh heh. Baby Gunderson's an improvement! 100% machine!

Ellen Lane: Oh! Of all sicko psycho sexual . . . [turning to Baby Gunderson] Uh, nothing personal, Baby--

Sam Lane: Oh, for the love of Mike, Ellen--

Ellen Lane: [to Sam, argumentatively] You leave us and the world and everyone else and--

Sam Lane: This kind of close-mindedness is what drove us apart in the first place--

Ellen Lane: -Because you want to marry a robot!

Sam Lane: Let go of the past, move on!

[Lois Lane's parents continue arguing while Lois walks away from where they are, crossing the room a bit until she is next to Clark. She speaks only to him now.]

Lois Lane: We're gonna elope!

[Clark smiles sympathetically at Lois Lane's little joke. She is incredibly embarrassed by her parents behavior and their fighting.]

[End of scene.[

Timecode: 12 minutes, 40 seconds: Mindy Church and Joey Bermuda continue their plot to produce a virus to expose Superman to. Their virus has grown far faster than they thought it would. It looks like it will be a vicious disease for Superman.

[Back at Lois Lane's apartment, Lois Lane's mother tries to warn her about marriage, asking if she knows Clark well enough. Lois realizes that Ellen Lane is projecting her own problems with Sam Lane onto her daughter's relationship.]

Ellen Lane: You think you know Clark? I thought I knew your father. He was a brilliant surgeon, I was his loyal nurse. We had it all! But that wasn't enough for Sam.

Lois Lane: I know. It was a really bad thing that happened. But you know, at some point, I had to decide that whatever Hell you and Daddy were going through was your business, and I can't let it wreck my life.

Ellen Lane: All right. [leans her head back with a headache]

[The door bell rings. Sam Lane goes to the door and ushers in a delivery man carrying a beautiful flocked Christmas tree.]

Sam Lane: Come in, come in! [calling out to his family] Surprise!

[Lois Lane comes out of the bedroom where she had been speaking to her mother. She sees the tree.]

Sam Lane: I noticed you didn't have a tree yet. What do you think, Princess?

Lois Lane: Daddy, I don't know what to think. You've been gone so long, and now we're doing Christmas?

Sam Lane: I'm pushing too hard, is that it?

Clark Kent: Dr. Lane?

Sam Lane: Huh?

Clark Kent: Baby Gunderson's been sweeping the same spot for about twenty minutes, here.

Sam Lane: Oh, just give her a knock on the head, she'll be fine.

Lois Lane: That's another thing. Dad, you can't expect Mother to just sit here and string popcorn with . . . you know!

Sam Lane: Spending one evening with a robot is so terrible?

Lois Lane: No, but being replaced by one is!

Sam Lane: Oh, you're right. You're right! I've gotta be more sensitive. [to the robot] Baby, get in the closet!

Lois Lane: Daddy!

Sam Lane: What? Easy storage is her best feature.

[Sam Lane helps his robotic fiance into the closet. Lois is flabbergasted]

Sam Lane: Here you go. [to Lois] What? We only got the last ticket out here because I flew coach and Baby flew cargo. Ha ha ha.

[Ellen Lane emerges from the bedroom.]

Lois Lane: Mother, uh . . . Look, Daddy got a tree.

Ellen Lane: Oh, Sam. Still making decisions for everybody.

Lois Lane: Oh, Mother, could you just try to get along. For me.

[Clark Kent, having just taken a phone call, asks Lois to see him in the other room for a moment. Lois Lane's parents start arguing again.]

Ellen Lane: I don't believe you. You just come in and go--

Sam Lane: Holiday Season. You've gotta have a tree.

[Lois and Clark start to leave the apartment to work more on their news story about the Metropolis crimelord murders and Intergang activity. Clark just received a hot tip from an informant. Lois Lane's mother insists on going with Lois, saying she has always wanted to watch her daughter in action, and also desperate not to be left alone with her ex-husband. As Lois is rushing out the door, Clark Kent's parents are there with a Christmas tree, shouting "Surprise!"]

Timecode: 17 minutes, 23 seconds: Lois Lane and her mother find the dead body of Lulu, Lois and Clark's informant. An Intergang enforcer mistakes Lois Lane and her mother for prostitutes and chastises them for working this corner without permission.

Timecode: 18 minutes, 7 seconds: Pretending to be a suicide jumper, Mindy Church tricks Superman into a trap, to expose him to the virulant Kryptonian virus.

Superman: Mrs. Church?

Mindy Church: No, don't try to stop me. Jumping is the only answer to my . . . loneliness.

Superman: Surely a woman as attractive, rich and successful as you has reasons to live.

Mindy Church: So often beautiful women become prisoners of their charms. Furthermore, my beauty reminds me of men. And men remind me of my incarcerated husband. And that reminds me that I can no longer with the scorn of being a crimelord's wife!

Superman: Look. You've turned your husband's wealthy into charitable donations. You're reaching out to the community. I mean, you'll do fine in this town.

[From behind the billboard where he releases the virus to expose Superman, Joey Bermuda gives Mindy the thumbs-up sign. Seeing her plan is successful, Mindy no longer needs to continue talking in order to stall Superman.]

Mindy Church: Hmm. Well, since you put it that way . . . okay.

Superman: There you go.

Mindy Church: Could you take me to some poor people?

[Superman flies off with Mindy Church.]

Joey Bermuda: Won't be long, big guy, and you flying days are over.

[End of scene.]

Timecode: 21 minutes, 51 seconds: Lois Lane's mother Ellen Lane and Clark Kent's mother Martha Kent walk together in downtown Metropolis, doing some last-minute Christmas shopping. Ellen asks Martha if Lois mentioned what kind of wedding she wanted, and they talk a bit about Ellen's own failed marriage. In the background we can hear Christmas carolers singing a traditional Christian Christmas song: "It Came upon the Midnight Clear." Some of the lyrics can be heard clearly, although during most of this scene the audio focus is on the conversation between Martha Kent and Ellen Lane.

It came upon the midnight clear,
That glorious song of old,
From angels bending near the earth,
To touch their harps of gold;
"Peace on the earth, good will to men,
From Heaven's all gracious King."
The world in solemn stillness lay,
To hear the angels sing.

[Suddenly, the conversation between Ellen and Martha is interrupted by a mugger, who takes a couple of their Christmas bags and their purses at gunpoint, before running away. Martha chases after the mugger to see where he goes. Ellen follows after, protesting. Martha sees an Intergang enforcer chastise the mugger harshly and put the mugger into a van. The enforcer tells the mugger that if he doesn't work for Intergang, he doesn't work at all. This enforcer is the same one that Ellen saw the previous night, the one who threatened prostitutes and probably killed Lois Lane's hooker informant.]

Timecode: 23 minutes, 17 seconds: Intergang headquarters. Mindy Church sits in a command chair, smoking a cigar. The enforcer from the previous scenes reports happily to her.

Enforcer: It's like the good old days, Mrs. Church. Every operation in the city. Numbers, gambling, gangs, protection. They're all falling in line.

Mindy Church: It's time everybody in this stupid town figured out who's in charge.

Enforcer: Yeah. We are!

[Mindy gives the enforcer a cold stare, intimidating him.]

Enforcer: [ahem] You are.

[Joey Bermuda reports in to discuss the fact that he thinks Superman must be suffering immensely from the virus by now. Mindy Church mentions that reporters Lois Lane and Clark Kent have been writing about crime in Metropolis, in articles that speculate that the increase in crime is organized, perhaps by a re-emergent Intergang. Mindy is annoyed by these stories, and she orders Joey Bermuda to kill the two reporters. When Joey describes the particularly gruesome, painful and clever way in which he plans to kill Lois Lane and Clark Kent, Mindy Church gets erotically excited and starts to kiss Joey.]

Joey Bermuda: When's all the killing gonna end?

Mindy Church: I don't know. Is there a rule? Besides, I'm sure you'll come up with something wonderful.

Joey Bermuda: Gimme a minute . . . Got it.

Mindy Church: Yay!

Joey Bermuda: I can rig their microwave ovens so that at the end of the cook cycle the oven emits a high-pitched tone, undetectable by the human ear, yet so intense it'll rupture the blood vessels in their brain, killing them in seconds with all the appearance of a stroke.

[Joey snaps his fingers and chuckles.]

Mindy Church: Oh. Oh, Joey, I don't know what to say . . . [suddenly looking like an eager seductress.] Yes I do!

[Mindy Church suddenly grabs Joey Bermuda's face and starts kissing him. He very quickly grabs her hands, firmly moving them away from his face while pullling away from her kiss.]

Joey Bermuda: Mrs. Church. [ahem] You and I are both married, and I believe in the sanctity of the home. [Looks at his watch.] Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a school play to go to.

[Joey Bermuda leaves. After he leaves the room, Mindy speaks to herself.]

Mindy Church: I don't really like rejection, Joey.

[Mindy looks as if she might be planning to murder Joey, despite the fact that just seconds earlier she was ready to engage in adulterous sexual intimacy with him. End of scene.]

[Joey Bermuda was absolutely sincere in his words when he brushed off the exuberantly amorous Mindy. Joey really is a family man at heart. He seems not at all tempted by Mindy's attentions and he really does plan to go see his daughter's school play.]

Timecode: 26 minutes, 27 seconds: Clark Kent is getting progressively sicker. He has never been sick before. His parents and Lois Lane tell him he needs to get home and get some bed rest.

Clark Kent: So, this is what being sick feels like, huh? [Clark remembers something.] Oh, there's just one thing I have to do first.

[Cut to the outside entrance to King Street Children's Home, an orphanage that Superman had promised to visit. Despite being terribly ill, he arrives there now, committed to keeping his promise to needy children.]

Reporter: The kids here at the Children's Home are eagerly awaiting the arrival of one of their favorite people, in what has become an annual event.

[The whooshing sound of Superman's flight can be heard. Eager children look up into the sky, cheering excitedly as they see Superman arrive. Up in the sky we see Superman slowly descending while carrying a beautifully trimmed Christmas tree. Superman lands, smiling but looking slightly unsteady due to his illness.]

Superman: Hey, kids, how ya' doing? [coughs] Just wouldn't feel like the Holidays if I didn't come down here and see you guys.

[Lois Lane is present, standing in the background. She is visibly touched to see her fiance show such great sacrifice to help needy children.]

Superman: [to press] Maybe some of you in our city are thinking that your family could use one more little person. Well, if that's the case, I'd like you to remember my little friends here.

[Suddenly we hear the sound of sleigh bells and Mindy Church's voice shouting "Ho ho ho!" like she is Santa Claus. The reporters from the press and the children all turn to and see Mindy Church approaching them, riding a Santa's sleigh pulled by eight adult men dressed as reindeer. The sleigh pulls up and stops in front of the crowd, drawing all attention away from Superman. Mindy Church is dressed in a revealing feminine Santa-style Christmas outfit. Mindy speaks into a microphone addressing the crowd.]

Mindy Church: Ho ho ho! Ho ho ho! Hello and Merry Christmas to my adopted home town Metropolis! I love kids! I mean, I used to be one myself! You always give me the gift of reminding me how fortunate I am to be wealthy. So I wanna give something back. Oh, I love you! I love you all!

[Mindy starts handing out gifts to the excited children. Watching this, in the back of the crowd, which has turned their back on Superman to see Mindy, Superman talks to Lois. He tells her he feels sick and better go. He walks around the corner and collapses in agony from his illness. Mindy Church sees him walk away. She knows her plan to destroy Superman by using a native Kryptonian virus is working. Part of her plan is the fact that Superman grew up on Earth, and so he never developed antibodies naturally like he would have had he been born and raised on his native planet.]

Timecode: 28 minutes, 32 seconds: Back at Clark Kent's apartment, Clark Kent's mother puts a damp wash cloth on his forehead. Sam and Ellen arrive at the apartment. Sam was a doctor, and Lois asked her father here to help Superman. In this scene, note how Clark Kent's apartment is decorated with Christmas decorations.

Timecode: 30 minutes, 47 seconds: Joey Bermuda (calling himself "the Handyman") finishes rigging Lois Lane's microwave oven so it wil kill her, and then calls in to Intergang (probably to Mindy Church herself) to report that the job is done. Sam Lane's robotic fiance, Baby Gunderson, is stashed in the closet and hears the Joey Bermuda's phone call, but doesn't move.

Timecode: 31 minutes 4 seconds: A newspaper headline and discussion between Jimmy Olsen and Perry White in the Daily Planet office make it clear that Metropolis is experiencing a massive organized crime wave. With Superman out of commission, Intergang seems to have free reign. The cops are completely out-manned. Back at Intergang headquarters, we see Mindy Church is personally sending out the orders to institute this crime wave. Perry believes (correctly) that it is a show of force on Intergang's part.

Timecode: 32 minutes, 20 seconds: Sam Lane diagnoses Superman's illness.

Lois Lane: Can you save him?

Sam Lane: Lois, you were a little girl and you thought I could do miracles. Now you're grown up, and you know miracles come at a price.

Lois Lane: Yeah.

Sam Lane: There is one very controversial treatment. The theory is to bring the host body to the point of death. As it begins to die, it can no longer support the invading virus. It's a pretty big risk, bringing your friend close enough to death to starve off the virus, yet pulling him back to life afterwards.

Lois Lane: Are you asking me to make that decision for him?

Superman: Yeah, I have to. The answer is yes.

Timecode: 33 minutes, 22 seconds: Lois Lane and Superman call Dr. Klein at S.T.A.R. Labs to have kryptonite delivered. Sam Lane uses the kryptonite to bring Superman close to death, as a way to cure him of the virus. Lois is in agony seeing the man she loves in such pain and agony.

Timecode: 34 minutes, 42 seconds:

Lois Lane: Please forgive me.

Superman: [whispering because he lacks the strength to speak normally] Forgive you?

Lois Lane: For putting you through this.

Superman: You had no choice.

Lois Lane: Remember when I asked you how you felt about me? And you told me that being with me was stronger than being alone? Grab onto that strength now. We can be strong enough for everybody.

Superman: Listen. This is really rough. My parents, you know? You take care of them for me.

Lois Lane: I will.

Superman: I love you.

[Lois kisses Superman gently on the lips. Superman fades and seems to be dead. Lois calls for her father. Sam Lane comes in and checks Superman pronouncing that the hero is in a coma.]

[Clark's parents and Lois Lane's parents all insist that she go back to her own apartment to rest. She is quite drained. Clark's parents take her there, leaving Superman in the care of Dr. Sam Lane and his ex-wife, Ellen Lane (a nurse). For along time they rest, worried about Superman/Clark Kent. Finally, Superman starts to come out of his coma. The scenes clearly portray that there is a sort of mystical/spiritual bond between Lois and Clark. As Superman/Clark awakens, he speaks Lois Lane's name at the same time she awakens and speaks his name. She stands up, alert, seconds before she receives a call telling her that Superman's fever has broken and he is out of his coma.]

[The phone rings in Lois Lane's apartment. Jonathan Kent answers it.]

Jonathan Kent: Hello? . . . Yeah, Sam . . . He what? . . . Yes! Heh heh ha. [jubilant, calling to the other room] Lois!

Lois Lane: I know. I know he's awake.

Jonathan Kent: How did you know?

Lois Lane: I'm-- I'm going over there!

Martha Kent: We're right behind you!

[Lois rushes to hug Martha Kent.]

Lois Lane: Oh! he's gonna be all right! He's gonna be all right!

Martha Kent: We both know it.

[Martha Kent heats up coffee in the microwave. Joey "The Handyman" Bermuda's death trap is triggered, almost killing Lois Lane and Clark Kent's parents. But Superman hears the high-pitched sound from his (Clark's) apartment. Superman rushes to Lois Lane's apartment and saves the lives of Lois and his parents.]

[Sam Lane's robotic fiance Baby Gunderson recorded Joey Bermuda's voice when he called in to report he was done rigging Lois Lane's microwave. Using this recording, as well as clues that Mindy Church cleverly planted for them, Lois Lane and Clark Kent are quickly able to locate Joey Bermuda. They lead police to what they believe is Joey Bermuda's secret headquarters. But it is really the headquarters that Mindy Church had used to run Intergang. She had asked Joey Bermuda to meet her there, but she isn't there.]

[The police arrive and look around. Mindy has set up the office to look like Joey Bermuda rang Intergang from there. The is personalized stationary in his name, his message on the answering machine, and a framed photo of Joey with his wife and daughter. This photo, like something one might see on any regular working man's desk, makes it clear once again that Joey really is a family man. But Joey is shocked to see these things. He realizes that Mindy Church set him up to take the fall. Joey was framed by Mindy Church so that he looks like the head of Intergang. Lois and Clark and the police don't believe him when he proclaims his innocence. There is too much physical evidence present for them to believe his words over the many physical items they find there.]

[Outside the building we see Mindy Church hanging up the cellular phone she used to call "Joey's office" to leave him a misleading message in which she told Joey that Intergang is "wrong" and she won't join his new Intergang organization no matter how much money he offers her. After haning up the phone, Mindy speaks to herself (or her dog), making it clear why she set Joey up.]

Mindy Church: I really don't like rejection, Joey.

Timecode: 43 minutes, 0 seconds: Back at Lois Lane's apartment, Lois and Clark and both sets of their parents gather together for a Christmas celebration. Christmas music ("Oh Christmas Tree") plays softly in the background while they laugh, talk and put Christmas ornaments on the two Christmas trees. Ellen Lane puts a beautiful Star of Bethlehem atop the green tree that Clark's parents brought to the apartment.

Sam Lane: [to Lois] Well, this is the finest Christmas I've had in a long time. Thank you, honey.

Lois Lane: [hugs her father] Thank you, Daddy, for making it the same thing for me.

[Lois Lane feels very grateful to her father for saving the life of her fiance, Superman. Of course, Sam Lane does not know that Superman is the same person as Clark Kent, so he does not fully realize the depth of his daughter's gratitude toward him.]

Ellen Lane: Clark, who does Superman spend his holidays with?

Clark Kent: Uh . . . Friends. Loved ones. He's a pretty lucky guy.

Martha Kent: [admiring the Christmas trees] Looks like we're finished.

[With the help of Sam Lane, who electricity from Baby Gunderson's head, they are able to light up both Christmas trees.]

Jonathan Kent: Well, well! Merry Christmas everyone!

[Lois Lane and Clark Kent walk out to the balcony to speak privately. They both sigh and laugh.]

Clark Kent: Maybe next year at this time, we'll be spending the Holidays at our house.

Lois Lane: Hm. I guess there's a lot to be said for family. People who stick by you, no matter what.

Clark Kent: Just like you stuck by me. Lois, I have never been through anything like that. Maybe it was the kryptonite that saved me, but . . . I think it was you.

[Lois kisses Clark passionately, holding him close. Snow starts to fall on them. They laugh as they see it.]

Clark Kent: So, do you still want to elope?

Lois Lane: Oh, you know, without 'em it might seem kind of dull.

[They both laugh and kiss some more. Fade to black. End of scene. End of episode. Roll closing credits. The first credit shown is Executive Producer Robert Singer, with a Christmas cap and some Christmas snoow and Christmas lights adorning his name.]

The process of listing characters who appeared in this source is not yet complete. Webpage for Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman - Season 3, Episode 11 (17 Dec. 1995) created 4 April 2008. Last modified 11 June 2014.

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