Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman
Season 3, Episode 15 (11 Feb. 1996): “I Now Pronounce You...”
by Chris Ruppenthal, Jim Pohl

Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman - Season 3, Episode 15

Title: “I Now Pronounce You...”

Medium: television series episode

Original airdate: 11 Feb. 1996

Publisher:
Written by: Chris Ruppenthal
Directed by: Jim Pohl

8 characters in this story:

Character (Click links for info about character and his/her religious practice, affiliation, etc.)	Religious Affiliation	Team(s) [Notes]	Pub.	# app.
Superman (Clark Kent)	Methodist / Kryptonian religion	Kryptonians; Super Friends...  The Justice League		13,409
Lois Lane	Catholic	Raleigh College [Superman's girlfriend, then wife]		3,859
Jimmy Olsen	Lutheran	The Legion of Super-Heroes [Superman's pal]		1,896
Perry White	Baptist; Elvis worship (ordained)	[Superman's (Clark Kent's) boss; Daily Planet editor]		1,574
Jonathan Kent	Methodist	[Superman's adoptive father]		816
Martha Kent	Methodist	[Superman's adoptive mother]		827
Ellen Lane	Catholic	[Lois Lane's mother]		23
Sam Lane	Catholic	[Lois Lane's father]		84

Timecode: 0 minutes, 0 seconds: The episode begins with a close-up on a beautiful invitation to the wedding of Lois and Clark. The invitation reads:

THE HONOR OF YOUR PRESENCE
IS REQUESTED AT THE MARRIAGE OF
LOIS LANE AND CLARK KENT
SUNDAY, THE ELEVENTH OF FERUARY
AT TWO O'CLOCK
WYLIE CHAPEL
CENTRAL METROPOLIS

[Pan over to Clark Kent, who is floating in mid-air while watching a football game on television. He receives a phone call from Lois, who sounds like she is in distress while she says something about something terrible going to happen. At super-speed Clark instantly changes into Superman and rushes to her side in her apartment. He is a bit bemused to learn that there is no emergency at all. Lois is just worried that, given their track record of things always going wrong when they start to get close, the fact that their wedding is scheduled to take place in four days makes her think that something terrible is bound to happen. Superman makes a show of checking her apartment and the hallway and assures Lois that there are no bad guys around. The only unusual thing that happens is a delivery of roses. The roses are dead, and there is no note accompanying the delivery, which makes Lois nervous. The scene ends as Superman tries to put her at ease with a kiss.]

[With a dozen conventions in town and the President of the United States visiting Metropolis, all the hotels are booked up. The hotel that Lois made reservations at for her parents is over-booked and can not give her the room she had reserved. So despite her loud and vocal protests, the hotel turns her away. She ends up taking her divorced parents to her own apartment. Lois Lane's mother complains bitterly.]

[Lois and Clark had taken the week off from work. But with Lois Lane's parents at her apartment, she feels like she is going crazy. She doesn't get along very well with her mother. Lois and Clark into the Daily Planet offices where Lois begs for a story, as complicated and as far away as possible, so that she'll have something to take her mind off her parents and pre-wedding anxiety. Clark takes Perry White aside and nicely asks him to give them a story to work on, even if it's something little. Perry obliges and thinks of an assignment he can give them.]

Timecode: 7 minutes, 8 seconds:

Perry White: [clears throat loudly, getting Lois Lane's attention] Lois! Thank Elvis you two are here!

[Note how Perry invokes the name of his idol and his personage of worship, Elvis Presley. Instead of the customary "Thank God you're here," Perry says "Thank Elvis..."]

Perry White: I got a page one [story] I need you on. Jimmy! Gimme that file off my desk, will you please, sir?

Jimmy Olsen: One file coming up!

Lois Lane: Perry, you're the best. What's it about? Government corruption? Banking scandal? Celebrity infidelities?

Perry White: Frogs.

Lois Lane: [looking deflated] Frogs?

Perry White: Not just any kind of frogs. Very rare and valuable frogs from the South Pacific. All green and yellow. Fantastic growth rate. People been importing them as pets for years. Now it turns out they may be a medical miracle. And a bunch of them got stolen last night from Bill's Exotic Pet Palace. So, now, this is big! So hop to! Let's move!

Lois Lane: Thanks, Perry. You saved my sanity.

Perry White: See you at the rehearsal. [walks away]

[End of scene.]

Timecode: 12 minutes, 43 seconds: Lois and Clark are driving through Metropolis on their way to the wedding rehearsal. Their car is stopped, however, as they are in the middle of total traffic gridlock.

Lois Lane: [yelling out the car window at a car in front of her] Hey, Buddy! Don't try and cut in front of me!

Clark Kent: Lois, Lois, relaxe. We've got plenty of time. The rehearsal's not until two-thirty.

Lois Lane: Clark, don't you remember? We moved it up to noon. The minister's got that important meeting.

[Clark is stunned. He had forgotten. Once this fact registers in his brain, he leans out the window and joins Lois in shouting at cars in front of them.]

Lois Lane: Excuse us!

Clark Kent: Hey, let's go! Come on!

Lois Lane: We've got to get through!

Clark Kent: What's the problem here?

[Lois Lane's mother calls her on her cellular phone and asks where they are. Eventually Clark turns into Superman and uses his powers to clear the traffic jam so that they can arrive at the reheasal just a few minutes late.]

Timecode: 14 minute, 7 seconds: Establishing shot showing the inside of Wylie Chapel, the church in which Lois Lane and Clark Kent plan to get married. Lois and Clark have not arrived yet. Their parents, Jimmy Olsen, and Lois Lane's cousin Cindy are present, waiting for them so they can start the rehearsal.

Cindy: [talking to Jimmy] And then my second wedding was in the Dominican Republic. Or was it my third? Anyway, we got the whole thing annulled, and I enrolled in bullfighting school.

[Jimmy nods, politely listening and smiling.]

Cindy: So, have you ever been married?

[Lois Lane's mother walks by, pacing nervously, speaking primarily to herself, not to anybody in particular, although all present can hear her.]

Ellen Lane: You know, sometimes I think she does this just to make me anxious. You know, keep the upper hand and all of that.

Martha Kent: Oh, I'm sure it's the traffic, just like she said.

Ellen Lane: [seeing a worker walk by carrying flowers] Waitaminute! Those are not birds-of-paradise! I distinctly ordered birds of paradise! Now what nitwit changed that?

[Cut to Lois Lane's father and Clark Kent's father. They both hold their tongue but are clearly feeling uncomfortable about Ellen Lane's constant complaining. Martha Kent stands up, looking a bit indignant.]

Martha Kent: This nitwit.

[Ellen Lane slowly turns her head to look at Martha Kent.]

Ellen Lane: Oh.

[The minister (played by comedic actor Brad Garrett) enters the chapel, arriving late.]

Reverend Bob: Hello, hello, hello! I'm Reverend Bob. Good afternoon. Hello. How are you?

[Reverend Bob shakes the hands of everybody present while he greets them. Reverend Bob stands in front of the small group and rattles off some jokes, seeming almost like he is doing a stand-up comedy routine.]

Reverend Bob: What are the seven scariest words in the English language?

[Ellen Lane and Martha Kent stare at the minister.]

Reverend Bob: I now pronounce you man and wife.

[Reverend Bob laughs loudly at his own joke. Lois Lane's young cousin Cindy laughs.]

Jimmy Olsen: Funny.

Reverend Bob: Hey, how many brides does it take to screw in a light bulb?

[Jimmy Olsen and Cindy both shake their head.]

Cindy: I don't know.

Reverend Bob: Well, neither do they. That's why they have wedding coordinators.

[Reverend Bob laughs out loud at his own joke.]

Sam Lane: [to Ellen] You hired him?

Ellen Lane: Don't start.

[Clark Kent and Lois Lane enter the chapel, holding hands.]

Clark Kent: Ah, sorry we're late.

Reverend Bob: Uh, look, no problem. You can be late for the rehearsal. You can even be late for wedding. [joking] Just make sure you're not late with my check! Hi-yoooh! [to himself] No respect. Tough crowd.

Lois Lane: [whispering to Clark] What were we thinking of?

[Both Lois and Clark have looks on their faces that indicate they are embarrassed or simply appalled by this minister.]

Reverend Bob: Okay. Let's start with the, uh, rehearsal now, shall we? Let's start with the terrified bachelor. Right over here. And the best man?

Jimmy Olsen: Oh, that's me!

Reverend Bob: Thank you. You'll be standing right over here, wondering if you, uh, forgot the ring or not.

[Jimmy Olsen and Reverend Bob both chuckle at this little joke.]

Reverend Bob: Okay, then the organ will play the music. Yaddida-yaddida-yaddida. Then the groom's mama will be led down the aisle, followed by the groom's dada. Not to be confused with the art movement. [laughs] Then we got the bride's mommy. Followed by the, uh, bride's maids. And then we have the maid of honor who is . . .

[Reverend Bob and everybody else look at Lois. Lois wanted her sister Lucy to be her bridemaid. But Lucy's plane has been delayed due to weather. Lois must decide whether or not to formally invite her cousin Cindy to be her bridesmaid. Cindy smiles broadly, hoping to be picked by Lois.]

Lois Lane: [answering Reverend Bob's question.] Uh, still trying to make it in.

Reverend Bob: Oh. [Starting a new joke.] Hey, what's the difference between a "maid of honor" and a "maid's honor"?

[Nobody answers. Lois rolls her eyes and sighs.]

Reverend Bob: About seven beers.

[Reverend Bob laughs, flaps his arms, and puts his finger in the air, doing an immitation of Herman Munster from The Munster's classic TV sitcom.]

Reverend Bob: I made a funny, Lilly.

[The other are growing weary of Reverend Bob ceaseless joking, but Reverend Bob seems not to notice.]

Reverend Bob: [imitating a drum doing a rim shot] Budum-bum. Thank you. Tip the waitresses.

Clark Kent: Uh, Reverend Bob? Could we just kind of get on with it?

Reverend Bob: Sorry. Of course, you're right. I was just, uh, practicing my routine a little. Heh heh.

Lois Lane: Your routine?

Reverend Bob: Yeah, yeah. I have a try-out this afternoon. King Neptune Cruise Lines. There's an open audition for a new comedian on one of the cruise ships.

Lois Lane: [a bit perturbed] That was the "important meeting"?

Reverend Bob: Six islands. Seven nights. All the shrimp you can eat. [chuckles] What did the porcupine say to his wife on the wedding night? Come on, stay with me.

[End of scene. It is clear that this wedding rehearsal with Reverend Bob is going to seem interminable.]

[The restaurant where Lois and Clark had planned to have the rehearsal dinner prior to the wedding is shut down by the health department and all the other restaurants are booked up. Instead of having a dinner with their parents, Lois and Clark end up eating delivery pizza at Lois Lane's apartment. They talk about what they think their parents would say when conducting traditional "toasts" in the honor of the bride and groom.]

Timecode: 21 minutes, 21 seconds:

Lois Lane: Marrying you is the most remarkable thing that's ever happened to me. And in all that craziness, all I really wanted was a few minutes alone with you to tell you that.

Clark Kent: Actually, I think everyone's glad to have the night off.

Lois Lane: [chuckles] Except for the toast. Daddy loves giving toasts.

Clark Kent: Oh. So I guess right about now he'd probably be saying how sorry he was to have left home because he missed out on seeing his little girl grow up into the most lovely woman that anyone has ever seen.

Lois Lane: And my mother would say it served him right.

[Lois and Clark both laugh.]

Lois Lane: But then she'd admit that if teaching their child the value of love was important, theyd'd done their job.

[Lois and Clark clink their wine glasses together and take a sip.]

Lois Lane: And your parents would remind me that the son that came to them as the most special of gifts, they now share it with me. And they'd ask me to protect them with all the strength that he uses to protect others.

Clark Kent: Now, I guess, it's the groom's toast . . . I love you, Lois. I . . .

Lois Lane: And I love you, Clark. You're the man I never thought I'd meet.

[They kiss passionately. A knock is heard at the door. A delivery: Dead roses, from a mystery sender. This distresses Lois considerably. Later she determines that it was Lois Lane, recently escaped from jail, who is sending disturbing "gift" packages to her.]

[Superman and Lois Lane thwart an attempt by Doctor Mambo (a biologist and cloning specialist working for Lex Luthor) to replace the President of the United States with a clone.]

Timecode: 36 minutes, 19 seconds: Cut to the front steps and outside entrance of the Wylie Chapel. Clark Kent, Perry White and Jimmy Olsen, all wearing matching tuxedos, stand on the steps. The sign above the door reads: "Dedicated to the Service of the Prince of Peace." This is very clearly a Christian chapel.

Perry White: Well, Lois bein' late, that's a rule of nature. But the Reverend Bob?! Where the Sam Hill is he?

Jimmy Olsen: Probably practicing his routine.

Clark Kent: Don't even say that.

[A stretch limousine pulls up in front of the chapel. Lois Lane's cousin gets out, followed by Lois Lane's mother, followed by Lois herself. She isn't dressed yet. She is holding her wedding dress in a garment bag.]

Clark Kent: Lois?

Lois Lane: Clark, go away. It's bad luck to see the bride before the wedding.

Clark Kent: Lois, c'mon. That's just an old superstition.

Lois Lane: Maybe it's not. Maybe it's based on truth. Look at all the bad things that have happened to us.

[Lois holds the garment (bag with the wedding dress in it) up between her face and Clark Kent. She turns to continue on through the front door of the church. But Clark gently pushes the garment bag down so he can speak to her face-to-face again.]

Clark Kent: Lois. Lois. I promise nothing is going to happen. Okay?

[An older man in a gray suit walks up and addresses Lois Lane's mother.]

Chapel coordinator: Mrs. Lane, I have a message from your daughter, Lucy.

Ellen Lane: Oh! She's at the airport!? My God, we gotta wait!

Cindy: Just my luck.

Chapel coordinator: Well, not exactly.

Lois Lane: [to Clark] See! [to the chapel coordinator] What happened?

Chapel coordinator: Well, apparently she was running late for her plane and set off the metal detector when she went through. I guess she got a bit frustrated at the delay . . .

Clark Kent: Oh, here it comes.

Chapel coordinator: She slugged a security guard. She's in jail and they won't hear bail until Monday.

Ellen Lane: [to Lois] Your sister will be the death of me, yet.

[Cindy is smiling broadly, hoping that this means she will get to be the bridemaid for her cousin. She clears her throat, trying to draw attention to herself.]

Lois Lane: So, uh, Cindy. I would . . . be honored . . .

Cindy: Yes.

Chapel coordinator: [pulling a paper note from his breast pocket] I'm afraid I have one other bit of bad news. Reverend Bob can't make it.

Lois Lane: Are you kidding me!?

Chapel coordinator: [reading the note] He got a gig on a cruise ship that sailed this morning. But he's trying to find a replacement. He called me ship to shore just a few minutes ago.

[Lois Lane sits down on the steps of the chapel.]

Lois Lane: Well, I knew it. I knew it! I knew it. Lex Luthor probably owns the cruise line, too.

Clark Kent: Lois, Honey. We're gonna sort this out, okay?

Lois Lane: Lex? Why didn't I think of it. He's probably the one that sent me all those creepy gifts. It's making him crazy that I'm marrying you. See, I knew something bad was going to happen, and it is happening in spades!

Clark Kent: No, Lois, it's over, okay? Lex is in prison, where he's gonna be for the next 983 years. Okay? The only thing we have to do today is get married. Now, come on, let's get you dressed, and I'll find a minister.

Perry White: [clears throat to get their attention] Ahem. Uh . . . Normally, I, uh, wouldn't reveal this. But, I can marry you.

Jimmy Olsen: Wha? No way.

Perry White: I am an ordained minister of the First Church of Blue Suede Deliverance.

Ellen Lane: This is no time for bad jokes. Reverend Bob was enough for a lifetime.

Perry White: Ma'am, this is no joke. Alice and I were down at Graceland one time, celebrating, and I saw this on the inside of a matchbook, at this little motel we were staying at. And, well, the rest is history.

Clark Kent: Perry, we'd be honored.

Perry White: Great! I've been to enough weddings where I know exactly what to say. Heh. Sort of. Uh, uh, you know, more or less. Well! I'll just wing it.

[Lois and Clark proceed up the steps and enter the chapel. Perry White chuckles.]

Perry White: Ha ha. Come on, Jimmy!

[Everybody follows through the chapel doors. Clark holds the door for everybody and enters last.]

Perry White: Thank you, Clark.

[Inside the chapel, the chapel coordinator stops Lois Lane before she can enter the dressing room.]

Chapel coordinator: Uh, Miss Lane? I need you to sign the wedding license. It'll just take a minute.

[Lois Lane looks like she is in a rush, and she looks hesitant. She looks to Clark.]

Clark Kent: I, uh, I already signed.

Lois Lane: [sighs] Teacher's pet. [Lois hands her mother the garment bag with the wedding dress in it.] Take this.

[Lois walks away into another room with the chapel coordinator. Jonathan Kent walks up to his son, Clark, and straightens his tie, although it didn't really seem to need straightening.]

Jonathan Kent: I haven't straightened your tie since you were a little boy.

[Jonathan and Clark chuckle. Clark turns to his mother, and lets her give him a hug.]

Martha Kent: I love you.

[Clark kisses his mother on the cheek. It is a tender moment between Clark and his loving parents. Clark lets out a breath of air in anticipation of the big event that is about to take place.]

Timecode: 40 minutes, 7 seconds: Cut to inside the main hall of the chapel. Focus on the large pipe organ, from which we hear the sounds of the traditional wedding march. A large simple Christian cross is in front of the pipe organ, dominating the shot in which we see the organ. This is a Protestant Christian chapel, probably a rather stately one that has been in the city of Metropolis for many decades.

[Perry White stands on the dias at the front of the room. Sam Lane walks his daughter Lois down the aisle from the back of the room. For the first time, we see her wearing her wedding dress. Clark Kent stands at the front of the room, looking slightly nervous. A considerable crowd is gathered in the chapel, standing in the pews as Lois Lane walks down the aisle. All in all, this appears to be a very traditional Christian wedding event.]

[Many lit candels adorn the chapel hall. Lois Lane reaches the front of the room with her father. She kisses him on the cheek. Jonathan Kent is in the front row with his wife, Martha.]

[Lois Lane has been holding a beautiful bouquet of flowers. She hands it to her bridesmaid, her cousin Cindy. Lois then takes Clark Kent by the arm. Jimmy Olsen stands nearby. Lois Lane and Clark Kent, flanked by Jimmy Olsen and cousin Cindy, walk up the two steps to the slightly raised area at the front of the room, where presides "Reverend" Perry White.]

Perry White: Please be seated.

[Clark Kent's parents, Martha and Jonathan Kent, smile proudly as they sit down together in the front row. Jonathan has his arm lovingly around his wife's shoulders. On the opposite side of the aisle, also in the front row, Lois Lane's parents sit next to each other. They have long been estranged. But they take each other's hand.]

Perry White: [officiating, speaking loudly enough so that all present may hear him.] Friends, we're gathered here today to join this man and this woman in holy matrimony. Marriage, um, we, it's a lot like a newspaper. It takes a lot of hard work to make it a success. But if anybody can do it, you two can. Jimmy, the ring.

[Jimmy Olsen takes the wedding ring out of his pocket and hands it to Clark Kent. Clark turns to face Lois Lane.]

Perry White: Now, repeat after me: I, Clark, take thee, Lois to love, honor, and cherish for as long as I live.

Clark Kent: "I, Clark, take thee, Lois to love, honor, and cherish for as long as I live."

[Clark Kent slips the wedding band on Lois Lane's ring finger. Lois turns to her bridesmaid. Cindy hands Lois the ring that will go on Clark's finger.]

Perry White: Now, repeat after me: I, Lois, take thee, Clark, to love, honor, and cherish for as long as I live.

Lois Lane: I, Lois, take thee, Clark, to love, honor, and cherish for as long as I live.

[Lois slips the ring on Clark's finger. Watching this, Martha Kent wipes tears from her eye. Lois and Clark look into each other's eyes.]

Perry White: Now, by the power vested in me by this state, and the First Church of Blue Suede Deliverance, I pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.

[Lois and Clark kiss each other tenderly. The organ plays traditional wedding music. The crowd oohs and ahs appreciatively and then breaks out into applause as Clark continues to kiss Lois. Lois and Clark finally stop kissing. They turn to face the crowd. Their faces are beaming wth joy. They walk back up the aisle to the chapel entrance. As Lois and Clark wakl, hand in hand, out of the building, chapel bells can be heard. Their friends and family toss rice into the air above them as they leave the chapel. Lois and Clark walk toward the waiting limousine.]

A woman's voice: [calling out from the crowd] Lois! Don't forget to throw the bouquet.

[Other voices shout for Lois to toss the bouquet. She does. Perry White catches it, much to his surprise.]

[Lois Lane gets into the limousine. Clark gets in after her, waving goodbye to he crowd as he does so. The limousine pulls away from the curb. A hand-made "Just Married" sign is on the rear of the back. The back bumper trails streamers. The crowd claps as the car disappears into the distance. End of scene.]

Timecode: 44 minutes, 8 seconds: Clark Kent's apartment. Clark Kent pours wine into two flute glasses next to his bed. As the camera pans, we can see he is lying in bed without a shirt. The blankets cover him up from the waist down, so what else he is wearing or not wearing remains a mystery. Clark Kent is still a virgin. He and Lois have not yet consumated their marriage. But Clark is clearly looking forward to starting marital activity with Lois.

Clark Kent: Just think, by this time tomorrow, we'll be in Hawaii.

Lois Lane: [calling from the bathroom] Maybe we can just stay there.

Clark Kent: You want it? You got it! We'll eat coconuts every day. I'll just go up and grab some whenever we need more.

Lois Lane: Sounds great.

[Cut to inside the bathroom. Lois Lane is looking in the mirror. She wears a nightgown. She seems to be preparing herself for her inaugural marital encounter with Clark. And yet, she seems different, distant somehow. Lois Lane reaches into her purse and pulls out a plastic container. Ominous music begins to play. Lois opens the container. In it is a live frog. Lois licks her lips. She holds the frog up to her mouth.]

Clark Kent: [calling from the bedroom] Lois?

[Lois Lane puts the live frog in her mouth and eats it. This refers back to earlier events in the episode. The clones that Doctor Mamba made required proteins that are abundant in frogs. The fact that Lois Lane is eating a frog tells us a devestating fact: She is a clone!]

Clark Kent: Is everything all right?

Lois Lane: Stand by to be stunned!

[Having finished swallowing the frog, "Lois Lane" now turns and leaves the bedroom, heading to where Clark is. What will happen? We will have to wait until the next episode to find out, for this scene and episode ends with the words: "To Be Continued..."]

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